How To Talk To Your Partner About... You Know

by Kaitlyn Vagner

Anal play is any type of sexual activity that involves your anus, and can range anywhere from rimming to fingering to full anal intercourse. Because of its rising prominence in popular culture, many people feel curious or want to experiment with anal play, but may feel too uncomfortable or awkward to approach their partners with it. They may feel concerned that their partner will react negatively, or perhaps they are unsure of how to communicate their needs in an effective manner.

Anal play continues to be a sensitive and taboo topic for many people. While you may be totally open to the idea, your partner may have reservations or misconceptions about it simply because of how they were raised, their religion, their personal beliefs, or the fact that it's new territory for them. Keep this in mind when approaching your partner about trying out anal play. Do not be dismissive of their concerns; instead, work towards building understanding and engaging in a conversation that can help foster trust and comfort.

There is definitely a right way and a wrong way to approach anal play with your partner. The right way emphasizes consent, communication, and building trust. The wrong way is viewing anal play as something that is for your own pleasure only. Here are a few suggestions for how to go about it the right way.

1. Don't Try Anal Play In The Heat of The Moment

In an episode of The Mindy Project, Mindy's boyfriend Danny "accidentally" slips his penis into her butt without her consent during sex. Surprise anal should never be a thing. All sexual acts between you and your partner should be consensual and followed by an enthusiastic, "Yes!" Also, not giving your partner fair warning about playing with their anus could lead to a dirty surprise. Just saying.

2. Phrase Your Sentences With "We" Rather Than "I":

Rather than saying, "I would like to try anal play," say, "I think we should try anal play," or, "This could be something really fun for us." Remember that anal play is a mutual sex act, and your partner should be just as into it as you are before you head right in. Also, starting a sentence by stating your needs first can put pressure on your partner, which is never acceptable.

3. Suggest Trying Out Anal Toys

Your partner has agreed that they are interested in experimenting with anal play, but they're nervous about the pain and discomfort. You can make anal prep into a fun couples activity by heading to your local sex shop and picking out butt plugs and anal beads. Both of these toys will help relax your partner's anus before sex, which will put your partner's mind at ease and enhance the experience for both of you.

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