I’ve been watching American Horror Story for a few seasons now, so I’m fully aware of just how dastardly things can be. Plus, I was a Glee fan. You know what? I’ll leave that there without further explanation. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, we know what we’re getting ourselves into when we tune into a horror genre television show, especially one made by evil genius Ryan Murphy. But, even so, Entertainment Weekly gave us more AHS: Hotel character and plot details that prove it just might be the most terrifying season yet, as evidenced by the goosebumps on my arms as I write this.
Why do I say that? Well, for one, Entertainment Weekly spoke with the wonderfully ghoulish Lady Gaga, and she said this, “I’ve just been weeping while I’m here because I have returned to something I’ve believed in so much, which is the art of darkness. It’s not something that everyone understands, but, for the people that do — Horror Story fans, my fans — there is a true connection between us, and it’s a language within itself.”
Harry Potter-esque“Dark Arts” feels aside, Gaga has effectively sent chills down my spine with that utterance. A job well done, because I want to be as freaked out as I can be possibly be before viewing, and right now I’m close. But, trust me, that is just the first of many creepy facts EW relayed thanks to both Murphy and Gaga. Here are the most concerning details of AHS: Hotel we’ve learned so far, ranked.
7. Evan Peters Is A "Deeply Psychotic" Architect
EW says that the hotel is, "a labyrinthine structure built to hide March’s murderous activities (think dead ends, secret rooms, endless shafts)." I'll be staying in a tent for all of my future travels...
6. This Grave Realization That The Internet Came To...
Few things creep me out more than a doppelganger.
5. Lady Gaga Drinks Blood, But Not Because She's A Vampire
We wish she were a vampire. It'd make the whole blood drinking thing a lot more... digestible.
4. And, She Ain't The Only One Thirsting For Some O Positive
There's "a macabre love triangle between her, the similarly blood-hungry Donovan (Matt Bomer) and the newly turned male model Tristan (Finn Wittrock)," says EW. This gets a higher ranking because I think we can all agree that Bomer drinking blood is a lot more out of the ordinary. Also, how could anyone ever objectively choose between Bomer and Wittrock? Murphy, you are truly devious.
3. This Season Is (Sort Of?) Based On A "True" Story
The publication previously relayed that during the Television Critics' Association press tour, Murphy said this urban myth "inspired" him, "There was a surveillance video that went around two years ago that showed a girl getting into an elevator in a hotel that was said to be haunted… and she was never seen again." Even more incentive to take the stairs.
2. They're Messing With New Girl's Schmidt... Hardcore
As TV Line asserts, Murphy said of Max Greenfield, "The most disturbing scene we’ve ever done, he’s at the center of." Do I have to go into details on this? There are things more disturbing than the previous four seasons of AHS?!
1. There's A Dildo Monster
According to EW, the monster is, "The Addiction Demon, a creature in the vein of Rubberman or Bloodyface, who has no eyes or mouth but does wield a nasty, conical drillbit dildo." A dildo monster. Let that marinate for a few seconds. Can I continue? OK, I'll continue...
I'm scared. I'm freakin' scared.
Images: FX; Giphy (7)