Amy Poehler & Tina Fey As Darth Vader's Mothers? J.J. Abrams Says Yes

Well here's a perfect crackfic fantasy that will be soon be crushed under the oppressive nature of reality: Amy Poehler and Tina Fey cast as Darth Vader's overbearing mothers in the upcoming Star Wars movie. They say it's true, J.J. Abrams says it's true, it's too good to be true.

Never trust a comedian, folks. They will crush your dreams even as they create those dreams. They told Entertainment Weekly about their "new role" in Star Wars VII, Poehler stating that "[Vader] has two horrible mothers. We know a lot of father stuff with Star Wars, and not a lot of mother stuff. We play these really naggy mothers of Darth Vader.”

FEY: [In an elderly New Yorker accent] “Darth, eat! Why don’t you eat?” That kind of stuff.

POEHLER: “You’re never gonna find a girl when you go out looking like that!”

FEY: Making him practice his Jedi stuff for hours.

POEHLER: Hitting on all his Jedi friends inappropriately. I feel like the theme of the next Star Wars is going to be: How does a working mother juggle it all? I’m looking forward to that.

This is obviously all in jest, but I really want it, you guys. I think you underestimate my commitment when I say things like "I wish Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were in everything." Nope, I really think that. Especially when the latter goes and says stuff like this:

What I like about all these giant superhero movies is that they speak to the issues that I’m dealing with right now — working mother and time management and how to be an interesting, sexual, curious woman in your 40s. That’s the kind of stuff that I like to see on the screen, and that’s what I see with a lot of the films out today.

Then J.J. Abrams himself had to go and confirm it:

The exciting thing about having Amy and Tina play the Vader Moms, as we’re calling them, is that they bring to the film that pitch-perfect Star Wars energy fans are clamoring for.

Now it's really going to hurt our feelings when they are not in that movie. Even if is completely unbelievable (or maybe just right?) that Poehler and Fey would raise such a crabby guy, considering the brilliance and light that radiates from the entire history of their friendship.

The Golden Globe nominations were finally announced this morning, so here's hoping that the next couple of months are filled with many stories similar to this one. Even if they raise our dreams up only to crush them.