What If We Talked Like Our Facebook Statuses? Comedian Jason Horton Shows How Weird We All Sound On Social Media

Whether it is a passive-aggressive status about having to fold your roommate's laundry, or a humblebrag about your super amazing husband taking you on a super amazing vacation filled with super amazing activities (#blessed!), there's something about the illusion of distance afforded by a computer screen that makes us write things online that we would never say face-to-face. But what if we talked like our Facebook statuses? According to sketch comedian Jason Horton, it would make the world a significantly more confusing place filled with hashtags, as if there weren't enough of them in everyday conversation anyway. (#ItsIronic.)

The video takes on every kind of vague Facebook status responsible for your permanent eye twitch: the unnecessary anniversary brags (*heart emoji*), the party invitations from high school acquaintances who live across the country, and of course, the so-passive-it's-not-even-passive-aggressive statuses directed at a nebulous "someone" who broke the user's heart. They know who they are, even though you don't.

"Why don't you just tell him? Because I don't know who he is," Horton blankly asks the passive-aggressive user in the video.

"Well, I put it out there now," she shrugs, to which I have one response: For the love of Facebook, please stop posting vague statuses.

Another person takes time out of the day to congratulate the people who survived the culling of his friends list.

"The fact that you're reading this right now? Congratulations," he beams. I think Horton speaks for all of us when he sits there in silence before awkwardly clapping. Thanks for not unfriending us, I guess?

The video goes on to cover vacation humblebrags, overuse of hashtags, and tagging your friends every single time you hang out, in case everyone missed the fact that you have a social life. Check it out below:

jasonhorton on YouTube

Images: Jason Horton/YouTube (2)