'Mean Girls' Treats Are Coming To Dylan's Candy Bar, But Which Candy Bar Would Your Favorite Plastic Be?
Pull up a seat at the cool kids table, because tonight we dine like Plastics. Dylan's Candy Bar is selling Mean Girls-themed candy starting Sept. 1. Let me pump the brakes in case you didn't hear that correctly: Sept. 1, Dylan's will be releasing Mean Girls themed candy in stores and on their website, leading up to a bigger celebration on October 3rd, National Mean Girls day. They'll be featuring treats such “You go, Glen Coco!” hot cocoa to “Is butter a carb?” popcorn-flavored jelly beans to (hopefully not weight-enhancing) "Kalteen" bars, and the promise of these goodies make me wonder... what actual candies personify Cady and co.?
I'm honestly going to be shocked if this isn't something you consider on the regular. With the bubblegum pink aesthetics and that iconic candy cane scene, Mean Girls is a film that screams "delicious" as loudly as is coins "fetch." So, in honor of the upcoming Mean Girls inspired treats, I mentally surveyed all my favorite vending machine candies to match them up with your favorite characters. Please note that all qualities of each candy were considered in this bold and important assignment.
Anyway, here's how I think our ladies (and Damien) would stack up.
Cady Heron — Twix Bars
Twix bars have all the power to be the greatest candy bar of all time, but it never really owns it. In any case, the caramel reinforces how sweet it is, but then it has that cookie crunch that proves it's not as soft as, say, a Milky Way. The duplicity is important, kids.
Regina George — Gobstoppers
So sweet on the outside but so hard to bite through, a literal jawbreaker. That's Regina — seemingly impenetrable until you take out her gang of skanks, man candy, and hot bod. Or run over her with a bus. Either/or.
Gretchen Weiners — Reese's Pieces
Reese's are a popular choice, no doubt, but would anyone ever consider Reese's the most popular candy? You'd have to get over the big divisive hurdle that is peanut butter. It's for a similar reason that Gretchen isn't the most popular girl in school: you have to get over the big divisive hurdle that is her inconsiderate and insecure persona.
Karen Smith — Kit Kat Bar
See, you love Kit Kat bars; everyone loves Kit Kat bars. But its defining quality is that it's so simple, so you give it a break. CLASSIC KAREN!
Janis Ian — Sour Patch Kids
Whereas Gobstoppers have a thin vein of sweetness before you realize it's hardcore as hell, Sour Patch Kids are the very opposite. They are, as promised, super sour on the outside, but, give it a while, and you'll see a sweet softness. Very much like Janis, whose Regina hate is build on a foundation of being hurt by her former BFF.
Damian — Nerds Rope
"Nerds rope? What?" YES, NERDS ROPE, KIDS. An underappreciated, over-the-top gem that encompasses that uncool factor (hello, nerds are adjacent to art freaks), and it has all the glamor of a gummy center with a melange of colorful crunches all over. So fabulous, so Damian. Have I made you hungry yet?
Images: Giphy (6)