The ability to lie through your teeth and say that everything is fine is one of the most necessary skills required for being a bridesmaid — and judging from BuzzFeed's new video, "If Bridesmaids Were Honest," it's for good reason. Between the mandatory $1,000 dresses, the alcohol-fueled crazyfests known as bachelorette parties, and extended forced proximity to women whose very existence may or may not grate on your every nerve, bridesmaid-ing ain't easy. Then again, neither is being a bride. In fact, the only person who really gets to chill out and just show up for the ceremony is the groom. Can someone remind me why we have weddings again?
As Cosmopolitan points out, BuzzFeed's video is a harrowing look at the future for anyone who has recently been married or is currently engaged. Will my BFFs really use my bachelorette party as blackmail material? Did they really give the groom the hairy eyeball behind my back the whole ceremony?
As someone who is still traumatized by her last experience as a bridesmaid, which resulted in the bride sobbing into her fake veil at her bachelorette party and a fellow bridesmaid trying to rip the bouquet out of my hands by force at the reception, I think I'm qualified to say the answer is probably yes on all fronts. But as much as it sucks to shell out fistfuls of cash for a dress you'll never wear again and spend your Saturdays making place cards surrounded by a bunch of equally cranky women, it's all worth it to have the honor of taking part in your friend's wedding.
That being said, being a bridesmaid really is the worst sometimes, and it makes for a pretty snarky internal monologue. Let's take a look at what bridesmaids say vs. what they really mean — and remember: It's OK to think these things... just don't actually say them out loud. Unless, you know, you're OK with everyone at said wedding never speaking to you again.
1. What she says: "The ceremony was so beautiful, I couldn't help but tear up!"
What she means: "I'm crying because I spent $1,000 to be in it."
When you're a bridesmaid, money tends to disappear faster than the sale section of David's Bridal.
2. What she says: "Wow, peplums and ruffles must be in this season!"
What she means: "That dress is hideous."
Tone is incredibly important when wedding dress shopping.
3. What she says: "Of course I'll take a shot off an exotic dancer's belly button with you!"
What she means: "This is completely against my morals."
Oh, bachelorette parties.
4. What she says: "These pictures will never see the light of day."
What she means: "This is potential blackmail."
Although she'll never actually use that picture of you funneling champagne while wearing your maid of honor's thong on your head, you know it's out there somewhere.
5. What she says: "I couldn't find your gift registry online."
What she means: "I flew cross country for this. I'm not getting you something from Crate & Barrel."
Have a modicum of respect for other people's bank accounts, please.
6. What she says: "You know I get weepy when I have too much to drink!"
What she means: "I'm actually just crying because I'm the last single friend."
7. What she says: "I'm gonna run to the bathroom really fast."
What she means: "If you can't find me at any point tonight, I'll be at the bar."
Along with the rest of the bridal party.
8. What she says: "My wedding is going to be super chill. I might not even have bridesmaids."
What she means: "Despite all my complaining, I'm still going to make you do this for my wedding."
It may be a rough few months, but it's totally worth it. Check out the full video below: