8 Beauty Products With Uncomfortable Names

I've always wondered what it's like to name colors for a living. Is it an industry of failed poets who're just happy to be doing something with words? I don't think so. I think our namers-of-colors are people who despise both the English language and society. I think they hate words so much that they strive to combine them in the creepiest, punny-est, and most nonsensical ways ever. How else do we explain a culture in which "Wet Greyhound" is an appropriate name for a paint swatch? (True story.) How else do we make sense of a blush titled "Heartagram," or a nail polish called "Did You Ear About Van Gogh?" English majors of the world, unite. We need these jobs.

Image: Fotolia

"Nein! Nein! Nein! Ok Fine!" by OPI

Love OPI’s nail polishes, but their titles are unbearably cheesy. Most of them rely on heavy-handed puns, but this one is mad creepy. Methinks that in this case, the lady does not protest enough.

"Roach" by Urban Decay

Not only has Urban Decay chosen to name this eyeliner after the grossest creature on planet earth, but it’s also a product you need to put very, very close to your eyes. Can you feel the tickle of little roach feet every time you bat your lashes?

"Camel Toe" by Cheeky Monkey

This brand prides itself on celebrating ”those times you let go, take a risk or two and play close to the edge.” Like by wearing those too-tight leggings as pants. Wild thing!

"Chased" by Illamasqua

This pretty pink blush mimics the shade of your cheeks after you’ve been… pursued down a dark alleyway?

"Baby Lips" by Maybelline

The cute connotations and bright packaging make it easy to forget just how weird this lip balm is as a concept. Not baby-esque lips or baby-soft lips, just… baby lips.

"My Silicone Popped" by Spoiled

Keep in mind this is a line priced for junior high girls.

"Eyegasm" by Kat Von D

Whoa whoa whoa whoa. Can I see the scientific research that backs this concept up, please?

"Coffin Dust" by Manic Panic

Glides smooth and quiet as death over your pale little cheeks.