Rand Paul Celebrates Festivus By Complaining On Twitter

Senator Rand Paul may be a foot soldier in the War on Christmas, but he can still partake in Festivus, the nondenominational parody holiday for secularists. Festivus calls for its adherents to voice their grievances on December 23rd, and Paul honored that tradition by complaining incessantly on Twitter about everything that irritates him. And when we say "everything,” we mean it.

While most of Paul's tweets were standard-issue Republican attack lines — “Congress passes too many bills with too many pages that no one has read,” for example — he also found time to complain about the Senate cafeteria, his congressional staff, neckties, people who think his hair is fake, and his own parking habits. (Which raises the question of whether it’s possible to air a grievance with oneself.)

That being said, most of his irritation was directed at Democrats and the Congress of which he himself is a member. “Obamacare is the untouchable ‘law of the land’ but sequester cuts aren’t,” bemoaned the junior Kentucky Senator in one tweet. “Fed policies make you poorer, and hurt the poor and middle class the most,” he wailed in another. He also complained about the budget agreement, charging that “the recent ‘bipartisan deal’ will add 7 trillion more debt.” (Note the sneaky quotation marks around “bipartisan deal,” which imply that the deal wasn’t actually bipartisan; it was, so it's is sort of like referring to the lawmaker himself as “Senator” Rand Paul. OK, that was fun.)

Paul said he wouldn’t partake in “feats of strength,” a Festivus tradition that calls for wrestling with members of one’s family, but one of Paul’s Senate colleagues challenged him to do so anyway:

Festivus rose to prominence after being featured on Seinfeld in the mid-90s, and is currently celebrated as a Christmas alternative to atheists, agnostics, and other heathens.