It's inevitable that you'll get irritated with your partner at some point. Even those super lovey-dovey couples that appear to have the world's most perfect love on lock have their difficult moments.Still, there are some things that just aren't worth fighting about in your long term relationship. It's true that fighting can be an important and even healthy communication tool, according to Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. at Psych Central. But you have to learn to pick your battles.
You also have to learn why you're fighting. There are fights that stem from real problems and fights that happen because you're just being moody, selfish, tired, or insecure. You have to learn how to tell the difference and how to tell when you're just fighting to let off steam. In fact,it's actually frustration that's the most likely culprit in your arguments, states Tartakovsky.
The arguments themselves aren't necessarily the end of all things or a signal that you don't have a strong bond. It's when the issues you're arguing aren't resolved, she says, or you say things that damage your trust and connection that fighting becomes a problem. If you have trouble learning when to pick your battles, the following six items are helpful examples of situations when it's better to hold your tongue until you can talk more calmly at a later time.
1. Your In-Laws
If your in-laws just get on your nerves, but they don't do anything that's flat-out disrespectful, you should just let it go, according to Elizabeth Stone of YouTango. Stone points out how much of an awkward position this puts your partner in. He or she likely loves you both and can't win, no matter whose side he or she chooses. This isn't fair. So just suck this one up whenever you can and let the little things go.
2. Social Media
Do you ever get your feathers in a ruffle when your partner likes someone else's photos or comments on a single friend's status? Social media is a trivial thing to argue about, according to Liz Marie for the Huffington Post. Your concerns are likely more about your own insecurities than the attention your partner gives someone else. Especially since it's really easy to scroll and click "like" without giving the post (or the poster) much thought. "Liking a photo or accepting a friend request might seem like it means something, when in reality there probably isn't anything behind it." said Marie.
3. One-Sided Flirting
Your partner probably doesn't have control over the actions of other people, so blaming him or her for the flirtatious advances of others isn't productive, said Marie. "The fact that someone thought your date was hot enough to hit on is a good thing, not a bad thing," she said.
4. Mind Reading
You can't ever fault your partner for not being able to read your mind, according to Clinical Psychologist Lisa Blum, Psy.D. Mind-reading and perfectly anticipating your needs isn't your partner's job. Instead, it's your job to talk to your partner like a grown up about the things you want and need, according to Blum.
5. Pet Peeves
Sometimes it's the little things that get your blood boiling, even more so than larger issues in your relationship. Maybe your partner can't seem to stop leaving towels on the floor or using every cup in the kitchen in a single day. In the grand scheme of things, this is nothing to fight about, according to Marie. You'll never be happy with your partner 100 percent of the time and you have your quirks too, Marie points out. This is absolutely a time to look the other way instead of blowing up.
6. Changing Behaviors
If you constantly argue over your partner making changes that he or she doesn't seem to make, you could be pointing fingers or playing the blame game, according to Tartakovsky. Change needs to be a two-way street and you both need to look for solutions to resolve your problems and make your long term relationship stronger.
Next time your partner picks you up five minutes late because they were at their mother's house, maybe say "hello" and kiss instead of launching into a tirade about how much you hate waiting. Odds are, you'll have a much better evening.
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