Prince William is going back to college. It's been 8 years since he graduated from the University of St. Andrews, where he famously met his now-wife Kate Middleton, but he's decided his academic career isn't quite finished. Kensington Palace announced today that in 2014, the Duke of Cambridge will be heading to Cambridge University to study agricultural sustainability for a ten week full-time program. How full-time? With 18-20 lecture hours a week, Us Weekly reports there will even be a dorm on hand for the new father to crash in if he stays late studying. So what should Kate Middleton expect living in a house with a baby and now a college student? Nothing good, unfortunately*.
1. THE FRESHMAN 30
It used to be the Freshman 15, but since this is Will's second stint as a freshman, he's probably going to pack on double the weight because pizza tastes great at 4 in the morning when you should be studying, and even better when you should be studying and/or taking care of a baby.
2. WILL HEADING OUT OF THE HOUSE IN SWEATS
The best part about college besides the learning and all that is getting to wear whatever you want to class because life is hard enough, why should you have to sit through a lecture while wearing uncomfortable clothes? Besides, the Freshman 30 looks a lot better when you can tuck that paunch underneath the stretchy waistband of a pair of sweatpants.
3. LATE NIGHTS WITHOUT MUCH HELP
Okay, yes, Kate could get a nanny to help with little Prince George but her uncle has already denied much influence of a nanny in his nephew's life. "I don't think they will pass the responsibility of their babies to other people," he said. Of course, it seems Will is all too eager to pass the responsibility along to Kate.
4. STUDYING USED AS AN EXCUSE
"But Kate, I have a huge test tomorrow and I really need to study. I know George has been crying for six straight hours, bust honestly, if I don't pass Agriculture 101 the Daily Mirror will have a field day!"
5. PEOPLE WANTING TO BEFRIEND WILL FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS
Not only will girls still be all over him, (I mean, if Kate met him in college, maybe someone else wants to try to pull a Middleton) but guys will be all over him to meet Kate, you flawless thing, you. Plus, people will hang out with him in hopes of getting stories to sell to tabloids. I know Will is famous for being private, but a few too many beers at a frat party and he could spill all Kate's secrets! She should keep a close eye on who he hangs out with.
6. PEOPLE ASKING WHAT HE PLANS TO DO WITH THAT DEGREE
Prince William is set for life financially, and he's already had a pretty good career as a search and rescue pilot to boot, so why the sudden urge to have an "understanding of contemporary issues affecting agricultural business and rural communities in the United Kingdom?" I mean what is he going to do with that degree? (Don't we ask all college students that these days?) Certainly Wills isn't planning on being a farmer, that's for the peasants. Maybe they'll appreciate it if he at least gets the struggles of being a farmer in a nation with a lot of rain and very little sun? "Bro, I may not be a farmer, but I totally studied this in college and I just really feel for you man." I mean, I know that makes me feel better.
7. MAGAZINES SPECULATING THAT THE MARRIAGE IS ROCKY BECAUSE WILL ISN'T SPENDING EVERY SECOND WITH KATE
"Prince William escapes clutches of needy wife!" the headlines are sure to scream. I mean, Kate's already been called out for being a major drag and not letting her husband play video games. In November Will talked up the Playstation 4 and said, “It’s very addictive ... I’d like to get one but I’m not sure how my wife would feel about it.” I'm not entirely unsure Will didn't go to college just so he could meet some guys with their own Playstations. You don't get in the way of a man and his 'World of Grand Theft Duty' or whatever guys are playing these days.
8. INCREASED SCRUTINY OF KATE'S LAZINESS
A lot of people think that Kate is lazy. She majored in art history which is apparently a throwaway degree to many people and she doesn't work enough. I mean, there is a rule that says that members of the British Royal Family are literally not allowed to work except to perform duties of being Royal, but okay, I guess she's lazy. With her hardworking husband earning his second degree, people are going to be looking at Kate and wondering where she gets off helping charities and taking care of a baby like that's a full time job or something.
*As an American, I'm basing most of these off of American college stereotypes. Maybe college in Britain is a lot classier. Did I say maybe? I meant definitely.