Kanye West's Twitter Rant Is Basically The Best Dad Joke You'll See All Day
Kanye West's Twitter use may be sporadic, yes — but always entertaining. These days, he seemingly only goes on either to promote his fashion line or to get something off his chest. His latest post is in the latter category: Kanye West went on a Twitter rant about his daughter North's app usage. In a series of tweets, he expressed his anger with the fact that smartphone games made young children still allow in-app purchases. Apparently, based off of Yeezy's tweets, when 2-year-old North has used her parents' iPads to play games, she's racked up lots of new purchases — apparently, one every five minutes. (So, presumably, she's sick of waiting for more energy in Kim Kardashian: Hollywood, like any reasonable person.)
While West's rants often have the tone of a dad wondering what's happened to the culture today, this is the most dad of all of West's tweets. He is far from the first parent who has railed against in-app purchases for children: the dilemma seems like a classic millennial parent problem (and I can say this because West identifies as a millennial). His tone is that of the stereotypical tight wallet dad, which is made more hilarious by the fact that he and his wife are worth a collective $215 million. West is also every parent in his desire to just have some peace; "just allow them to have fun and give the parents a break for Christ sake," he tweeted. Here's the rant in its glorious entirety:
This can only be the beginning of West's righteous dad tweets, and I for one am very excited to see how this plays out.
Considering that West's anger is often systemic and would not be directed at his beloved daughter, I'm assuming any future rants would be about classic scenarios that dads face every day. What can we expect, though? Here are a few classic dad rants and scenarios that are almost certainly coming our way on his Twitter:
On Violence In Disney Movies
Tweet: "How are these 'kids movies'? Mufasa just died!!!"
Kanye joins North in front of the TV, only to be shocked by the violent stampede that kills Mufasa. He turns off the TV, and North starts to cry. West and Kim Kardashian get into a whispered fight, with Kardashian insisting that Disney movies are for children. "No one should have to watch someone be trampled to death when they're five," West hisses. They compromise by all settling down to finish the movie together, skipping the scene where Scar and Simba fight.
On School Lunches:
Tweet: "Where does all that lunch money go???"
It can't be that North needs another $50 check for lunch money. Didn't she just ask him for one last week? But when she explains that adding ice cream and a mid-morning snack to the cost of lunch adds up, he sighs but dutifully writes out the check.
On Common Core:
Tweet: "I have no idea what they are teaching my daughter. I don't remember subtraction having so many steps LOL"
North asks West for help on her math homework, but, as she explains the steps of Common Core problem solving, he can't help but think that they are making things more difficult even as he marvels at how smart she's become.
Tweet: "Why are banks trying to send my daughter credit cards? She's 10!!!"
North keeps getting mail from banks offering her credit cards, and West doesn't want her to get sucked into that consumer culture quite yet. Seeing her name engraved on plastic makes him worried about the world she was born into.
On Teen Magazines:
Tweet: "Why are all the girls in these magazines talking about boys?"
While she's off at school, West picks up a copy of North's teen magazine. While he thumbs through it, he's upset at the way so many of the articles and stories are centered around being attractive for men. He researches feminist women's sites, and hopefully stumbles across Bustle.
On Drivers Ed:
Tweet: "How are parents supposed to find time to spend 50 hours driving with their kids???! #NoLicenseForNori"
North really wants to get her license, even though her parents insist she will always have a driver to take her around. They oblige her as they always do, but when North brings home all the requirements, West worries whether he'll be able to find the time.
Tweet: "You'd think prom dresses would look better, they cost so much money"
North sends her parents links to her top three prom dress picks. While they would never want to insult her taste, they're both shocked that fabric that cheap could result in such an expensive dress. When Kardashian gently suggests that she choose something neutral and a little less shiny, North storms to her room in tears, and West quickly orders all three.
On Data Charges:
Tweet: "Roaming data charges are out of control. Don't punish my children for traveling!!!"
North and her friends went to Milan for the weekend. West was delighted to see the pictures of her and her friends going out in high fashion attire, but he was appalled by his cellphone bill at the end of the month.
On The College Board:
Tweet: "The college board is evil, charging to send SATs to every college like it costs $10 to send an email"
West is outraged that applying to college costs so much money. While he would never want to limit how many schools she applies to, he thinks it's ridiculous that they try to sneak in little costs wherever they can. Like the idea of letting their children go isn't tough enough on parents already.
It's going to be a fun time watching you grow up, Kanye and North West.
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