St. Vincent & Tacos? Yes, Please

How does one improve upon the perfect food item that is the taco? It is no easy feat, that's for dang sure. A good carne asada taco with a hint of lime is basically untouchable. However, if one were to, I don't know, hang out with St. Vincent (aka Annie Clark) while noshing on said perfect food item? BOOM. *Drops taco-shaped microphone.* Last week, Annie Clark's brother-in-law and sister opened Resident Taqueria in Dallas, TX. And then, the tacos 'n' "Teenage Talk" magic commenced: According to Stereogum, guitar-wielding goddess St. Vincent waited tables at her family's new taco eatery over the weekend. It sounds like a beautiful dream. I wish I was there.

Alas, I was here. In my apartment. 1,400 miles west of Dallas. 1,400 miles west of St. Vincent and tacos.

After I read the story, I began to imagine what it would've been like to be at the 'straunt while Annie Clark was taking drink orders and clearing tables. Before I knew it, I was writing a free verse poem. Am I a poet? Nope. But that didn't stop me. I ran with it. Without further ado, allow me to bare my soul to you:

What If I Was There?

The Braised Beef Short Rib tacos sound awesOHHHHH MY GODOh. My. God.Am I seeing things?Is that St. Vincent on the other side of the restaurant?Or does an Annie Clark doppelgänger work here?Either way, I have to play it cool

I just heard her speak to another customerNow I’m 100% sure she’s Annie ClarkSt. Vincent is hereThe sweat beads have begun to collect on my foreheadSo much for trying to play it cool

Is it hot in here?As if he could read my mind, a man sitting two tables away just put on a jacketI guess that answers my question

My table mates seem so calmEveryone in this restaurant seems so calmHow is everyone else so calm?Do they not see Annie Clark?Or did everyone else take a “How To Remain Chill When In The Presence Of An Actual Goddess” course?I really should sign up for that course

I wonder what my face is doing right nowAccording to my compact mirror, my eyes look wild H-E-L-P. Help me. Help me.

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod St. Vincent is walking over to our tableOhmygodohmygodohmygod St. Vincent is taking our orderOhmygodohmygodohmygod I somehow managed to utter actual wordsI think I ordered the Braised Beef Short Rib tacosBut I can't be too certainThose 20 seconds were a blur

My table mates haven’t shot me the “get it together, weirdo” look yetMaybe I am playing it cool?I most certainly do not feel like I am playing it cool

My hands have begun to cramp up and shakeMy hands are a dead giveawayMy hands have betrayed meMy nerves have gotten the best of meMy nerves have betrayed me

I don’t know what to do with my handsMaybe I’ll just sit on them?The forever flawless St. Vincent is walking over to our table with a bowl of guac right nowMeanwhile, I’m taking deep breaths and sitting on my hands

My table mates just shot me the “get it together, weirdo” lookI am not cut out for thisI should wait in the carI’m going to go wait in the carI hope my table mates bring me some leftovers

And on that note, I'm going to go eat half a dozen tacos.