6 Negative Thoughts That Are Normal In A LTR, Because It's Not All Roses & Butterflies
True love is beautiful. And ugly. For every moment of magic, there will most likely be two moments of anger, hurt, frustration, and boredom. That doesn't mean you and your honey aren't a great match, though. Negative feelings are normal in long-term relationships. That's just real life. You can't expect to stare at each other with stars in your eyes every day when realistically, work, bills, family stress, kids, and all the other loops life makes you crawl through will show your partner the absolute worst of you.
You're not alone if your partner sometimes gets on your bad side. Blogger Jamie Hudspeth at The Celebrating Mama admitted in a post that sometimes she feels like punching her husband in the face, and said that it's OK that sometimes she doesn't like her man because she always chooses to love him. That's the key. Psych Central writer Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC pointed out that the newness of falling in love fades and from there, choosing to love each other is what defines commitment. It's not just choosing to love, it's choosing to forgive, choosing to see the good in your partner, and choosing to accept his or her irritating quirks.
Sometime you will fail, because you're human. Sometimes your partner will fail, too. But with communication, forgiveness and patience, you can weather all of these negative emotions. Here are six negative feelings that are totally normal to have in a relationship sometimes.
1. I Hate You
Rest easy. Feeling like you hate your partner is totally normal, according to Psych Central blogger Cherilynn Veland, LCSW, MSW. Veland says that when you hate your partner, it's usually not actually hate, but overwhelming negativity that stems from stress. If you are truly committed and chose to love each other, you can work through these times and grow.
2. You Are So Annoying
It takes someone who really knows you to be able to push your buttons. Sometimes even the way your partner chews food makes you want to flee the country and start a new life under an assumed name. Totally normal. But these types of feelings can lead to petty arguments that aren't constructive. Bestselling author and relationship expert Laurie Puhn recommended that before you fly off the handle, you need to ask yourself: "What do I want my spouse to do differently next time?" That will help you get to the heart of the matter. Just maybe hide your passport for a while.
3. I Am Attracted To Someone Else
If you have a puppy, can you not think other puppies are cute? Can you not wish from time to time that said puppies were yours to snuggle? OK, that's a really bad example, but it gets to the heart of a pretty common truth. You are going to be attracted to a variety of people throughout your entire lifespan. In fact, it's unavoidable, according to Dr. Gary Lewandowski of The Science of Relationships. Most of the time, this is just life and you carry on with your comittment, but sometimes, according to Lewandowski, it can mean you aren't getting your needs met. This doesn't necessarily mean you need to end your current relationship, but that you should take some time to examine your feels.
4. You Are An Idiot
According to Elite Daily dating writer Lauren Martin, "healthy couples don’t fight for drama or attention but for a resolution." Pay attention to the core of why your partner is getting on your nerves. There's probably an unresolved issue at the core of things, which is par for the course in any long-term relationship.
5. You Are Worthless
Sometimes one person just has to take on more responsibility. Maybe your partner has a big project at work or school that leaves all the housework in your hands. It happens. But that doesn't mean you won't feel resentful about it. According to Veland, feelings of resentment over unequal responsibilities are most common in couples with children. These types of feelings just come with the territory of the "thunderdome" of building a life with each other, said Veland.
6. I Shouldn't Be With You
When things go south, as they do from time to time in all relationships, you might think about breaking up. Relationships are supposed to make you feel scared, vulnerable, angry, sad and frustrated, according to Martin. These feelings mean you're growing and learning. Susan Pease Gadoua L.C.S.W. of Psychology Today says that as long as both partners are still willing to work through their problems and there's no abuse present, then negative feelings in a relationship don't have to signal the end. Of course, if you're not happy, you're not happy. But not being happy may just be a rough patch that you can get through.
Now you don't have to feel so guilty if one of your favorite daydreams involves putting all your partner's stupid T-shirts on the lawn and changing the locks. You're so not alone.
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