5 Things You Shouldn't Say While Fighting Your BFF

Most of the advice you get on the Internet for "how to fight" with someone is targeted at people who want to learn how to "fight fair" with their significant other. While this is, of course, a useful thing to know, the Internet seems weirdly lacking in how to do this with someone you're not sleeping with. Your boo isn't the only important person in your life, after all — and in case you ever get into a huge fight with one of your friends (It happens! Especially if you're still friends with some people from childhood!), you'll want to make sure you do it in a way that doesn't end your friendship forever. Even if you've decided that you want to break up with this friend, you'll probably want to first wait for a moment in which you both are not worked up.

Here is some advice, then, about things you should never say to your bestie (or work friend, or Zumba pal, or that friend of your family that you used to run around the house in superhero costumes with) so you both can come out of the fight with your friendship (and dignity) intact — as illustrated by GIFs of the Real Housewives, the worst fighters of all time. Oh, and by the way, though I use female pronouns throughout, this advice holds true for fights with people of any gender. Good luck!

1. "But you did [this other thing] last time!"

So you were late to brunch, but she never brings food to your potlucks, but you still owe her money, but she is rude to your boyfriend, and so on, and so on. You both have made mistakes, and if you were upset about them then, you should have brought them up — or silently forgiven your friend. Talk about the current issue, not past ones, and work out any other underlying issues at a more emotionally neutral time.

2. "I could embarrass you so much."

It should probably go without saying, but during a fight you definitely should not even IMPLY threatening someone else, whether physically or emotionally. As a friend, you have probably confided in this other person, and they have probably confided in you; don't use their secrets as weapons.

3. "It's not a big deal."

Don't minimize someone else's emotions. Everyone's feelings are valid. Even if you think you did nothing wrong, you need to hear the other person out before speaking your piece.

4. "You're such a [insult]."

Name-calling is for children. This is a surefire way to end a friendship; don't call someone a "slut" or a "bitch" in a derogatory way, and don't even call them something like a "coward" or a "cheapskate." Even if your insult is PG, it can still hurt.

5. "Everyone else is on my side."

You shouldn't use secrets as a weapon, and you shouldn't use your mutual friends as a weapon, either. If your friends have a big problem with your one friend, they can bring it up themselves; they probably don't want to be dragged into it, and there's no better way to make your friend feel betrayed than by implying that all your mutual friends like you better than her (or worse, that she wouldn't have any friends without you). It's probably not true, and it's straight-up mean behavior.

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