The 5 Stages Of Talking To Your Own Self-Esteem

by Kate Fustich

There's no tougher conversation you can have than one with yourself. No matter how much support we may have from friends and family, it's impossible not to be your own worst critic when it comes to appearance, work, and relationships. But the good news is that we're not alone — we've all been there, and BuzzFeed's latest video perfectly summarizes what it's like talking to your self-esteem. It may be a tough conversation, but it's one we should all have with ourselves at some point — and sometimes we should have it more than once.

The video starts with a normal cool lady deciding where to sit at lunch. Though she wants to sit at the table where people are talking and having fun, she chooses to sit solo at an empty table nearby and immediately begins cursing herself for not having the confidence to sit with others.

We are then transported into a mysterious Self-Esteem World, populated only by the woman and the embodiment of her self-esteem: A hoodie-wearing, trash-talking, alternate reality version of the self. Think of the worst version of yourself on a very hungover Saturday morning — that's the kind of negative self-talk we're dealing with here.

Though things get off to a rough start between the woman and her self-esteem, they soon end up having an important conversation we could all learn a few things from. But like I said, it's not an easy conversation to have — so let's break down all the stages of talking to your self-esteem. Scroll down to watch the full video!

1. Denial

Negative self-esteem tends to rear its ugly head at the the most random of times. I find that these thoughts come in such inopportune moments that my instinct is often to think, "What? Where is this suddenly coming from?" Unfortunately, it nearly always gets worse before it gets better.

2. Giving In

Negative thoughts have an inherent snowballing effect — one leads to another, and before you know it, you find yourself in a whirlwind of frustration and self-doubt. It's easier to slip into a world of self-pity and bitterness than it is to pull yourself out of it, but it's important to find that glimmer of hope and latch on to it.

3. Rejecting Negativity

Of course no one can go from zero to 100 overnight, but starting by rejecting negative thoughts is a great first step. Even if it's something as simple as remembering a joke your friends or co-workers laughed at, focusing on your positive attributes can have a tremendous impact when it comes to building up positive self-esteem.

4. Building Yourself Up

Once you've rejected your negative inner-thoughts, it's time to build yourself up! Make lists of everything fabulous about yourself, say positive affirmations, look in the mirror, and say "I love you!" If you need a reason to believe in your own beauty and general greatness, a study conducted by Dove found that "80 percent of women agree that every woman has something about her that is beautiful but do not see their own beauty."

5. Accepting Your Awesomeness And Taking Action

Once you've put yourself in a positive head space, it's a great time to take actions that your self-consciousness previously didn't allow for. In the video, this takes the form of the woman deciding to sit with others at lunch instead of alone. It's the little things that make all the difference.

Watch the full video below:

Images: Pexels; BuzzFeedViolet/YouTube (5)