12 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes, Because We Should All Be Thankful For A Laugh
Don't get me wrong, Thanksgiving is definitely a day about being thankful for everything you have, from your friends and family to your home to your health — but that being said, you don't have to feel guilty about injecting a little humor into the holiday. Rounded up below are some funny Thanksgiving quotes that, admittedly, can be a little irreverent. But here's what I think: as long as you know the truth, then you can have a laugh at a playful quote. Fair enough, right?
It's easy to take a stab at Thanksgiving. There's lots of food involved, lots of family involved, and lots of history involved... basically, it's the perfect equation for a joke. These writers, celebrities, and comedians know exactly what I'm talking about. From jokes about relatives to jokes about stuffing the turkey, there's no shortage of laughs in this collection below.
Don't let yourself get stressed this holiday season, even if you're the one hosting the intimidating Thanksgiving Day meal (where do people actually learn to cook a turkey anyway!?). I promise you, your friends and family will still love you even if the turkey comes out super dry. Take a breather, enjoy the day, and have a laugh with some of these ridiculous quotes.
1. "Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often." — Johnny Carson
2. "This was a really, really big year for me. I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults' table. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate." — Andre Kelley
3. "Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants." — Kevin James
4. "I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land." — Jon Stewart
5. "When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat!" — David Letterman
6. "We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing." — George Carlin
7. "I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, ‘man, just be yourself.'" — Mitch Hedberg
8. "The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, 'I don't need a pardon. I need a job.'" — Conan O'Brien
9. "Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'" — Jim Gaffigan
10. "Here I am 5 o'clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt..." — Roseanne Barr
11. "I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the ‘history’ I was told in second grade. But considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America’s traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping, or getting drunk, I suppose it’s a miracle that the concept of giving thanks even surfaces at all." — Ellen Orleans
12. "Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car." — Stephen Colbert
For more funny Thanksgiving ideas, check out Bustle on YouTube.
Images: NBC, Giphy (4)