21 New Year's Resolutions We Should Have Made In The '90s
The beginning of the new year is a time for reflection, and as we look to the past to learn from our mistakes, why not venture back a little further than 2015? If you're of a certain generation that was all about collecting the best pogs and decorating lockers with Tiger Beat clippings, you'll appreciate this roundup of '90s New Year's resolutions we should have made back in the day.
Now that you've committed to all your "New Year, New You" resolutions, take a little break to stroll down memory lane to consider "New Year, '90s You." The '90s were an era of optimism and innocence, brimming with pop culture signifiers that have become the annals of our youth. Long before 10 year olds had cellphones and toy drones, we were entertaining ourselves with Kid Pix and Bop It. Years before Yeezy Boosts, we were sporting side-vented LA Gears and lusting after Air Jordan VI originals. While it's difficult to imagine living without the technology of today, there was something emotionally rewarding about waiting for dial-up Internet, even if it meant disconnecting every time our parents needed to make a call. So while we're caught up with the demands of the present and changing ourselves for a happier future, it can be restorative to reflect on a more care-free past when our biggest concerns were coming up with the best AIM away message, and keeping our Tamagotchis alive. So before we get even further away from the decade that still makes us feel warm and fuzzy inside, here are 21 resolutions we should have made in the '90s.
1. Shamelessly live the Lisa Frank life
Color your world in rainbow unicorns, dolphins, and cats with wings. Don't hold back. Even Mila Kunis approves.
2. Stay organized and stylish with your trapper keeper
Never again in your life will you be allowed to keep your affairs in order with a bulky binder emblazoned with Sonic the Hedgehog.
3. Don't invest in the Beanie Babies craze if you want to become a millionaire
Ignore the hype and what everyone's saying. If you own one of the original nine, sell it now while it's still in demand. Don't grow your collection. Quit while you're ahead.
4. Instead, check out this thing called Apple...
In 1998, Apple shares sold for less than a dollar. The wise ones who invested are now happy to call themselves millionaires. If only we weren't so caught up with buying Beanie Babies.
5. Appreciate that MTV actually plays music videos
There was nothing quite like turning on the TV to the visualization of the hottest tracks. Sure, there's YouTube today, but there was something magical about your favorite jam coming on just at the right moment.
6. Remember when you first came across Now That's What I Call Music!, because you'll be able to measure your years against that day forever
56 CDs later, we can chronicle our lives in NOW installments. Whether half the tracks off NOW 6 remind you of your unrequited middle school crush or every track off NOW 14 takes you right back to your first high school dance, the milestones in your life are forever entwined with this unending compilation series.
7. Don't skip breakfast
Enjoy it while you can. How we miss those mornings of candy parading around as breakfast cereal, and very effective "Kid's Only" branding that made us feel like a rebel with every spoonful. How much better would life be if you got a suprise toy with your morning coffee?
8. Never trust a guy with a soul patch
Even if our favorite men in music (like Mark McGrath, JC Chasez, Fred Durst, and that guy from Smash Mouth), rocked this under-lip overgrowth, it probably was never a good idea.
9. ...or a rat tail
This should have gone without saying.
10. Indulge in experimental sodas, because they aren't going to last forever
Surge, Josta, Crystal Pepsi, and Fruitopia were '90s wonders that didn't last. Once-popular non-carbonated drinks fizzed out after the decade too. Remember Squeezits?
11. Make sure your wardrobe is 50 percent denim
Never had so much denim walked the runway. And never had you needed so much in your closet. Overalls, coveralls, all of it.
12. And that you have the requisite number of crop tops, leggings, heat sensitive shirts, and floral prints
Take a cue from your favorites on Beverly Hills 90210 and Saved By The Bell. Then save these iconic pieces to bring back out 20 years later when they're all back in style.
13. When it comes to butterfly clips, less is more
Though it did seem like a great idea at the time.
14. But collect as many Lip Smackers as your heart desires
Because even the best things don't last forever.
15. Realize you don't have to choose between *NSync and Backstreet Boys
But you should have your favorite go-to band member for your next game of MASH.
16. Save up that extra allowance for the Spice World Tour
Say you'll be there.
17. Find someone to put a "ring" on it
Bling will never be as sweet or economical again.
18. Be a better parent
There's no excuse when you have a pause button.
19. ...to all your kids
And keep them away from your big brother if you don't want it learning a couple new words.
20. Don't invest too much in current technology
Remember when it seemed like a good idea to replace your cassette classics with CDs?
21. Instead, embrace the future
Because it's going great places. (Though sometimes the '90s will always feel a little superior.)
For more trips down memory lane, check out Bustle on YouTube.
Images: Paramount; Giphy