I'm going to let you in on a little secret: even super confident people have moments of doubt, they just know how to handle them better than others. That's all solid self-esteem really is: knowing how to respond to the moments in which you feel uncertain. Having confidence does not mean you'll never have a fleeting moment of insecurity ever again, it only means that you know how to handle it when it arrives. To that end, let's first talk about why people have self-esteem issues to begin with, as that will greatly inform what it is we need to do to change that tune. Shall we?
Essentially, a lack of self-esteem begins to build when you feel incapable of validating yourself. That happens usually if and when your emotions weren't validated as a child. When someone told you what you thought, how you felt, or what you did was wrong, you began to believe that you needed to consult someone or something else to tell you what is "right." Enter the assumption that how you are is not "okay" inherently. Enter a lack of self-esteem that only compounds when your subconscious mind seeks affirmation bias (See! S/he broke up with me! I told you I was worthless!)
It's important to keep this in mind while you read the rest of this article. You must go into these mantras remembering that building self-esteem is being able to remind yourself that what you feel is valid, who you are is worthy, and that the only problem you have is not being able to accept the way you are. (Nothing more, nothing less.)
The Way I Feel Right Now Is Completely Understandable
And I do not need to feel bad about it. Anybody in my position, in my circumstances, could see how and why I feel the way I do. The way I feel is valid.
People Do Not See Me The Way I Am, They See Me The Way They Are
The way they perceive me is a projection of what they choose to see, which is ultimately based on how they think of themselves.
Nobody Is Thinking About Me As Much As I Am Thinking About Me
And that is because they are too busy thinking about themselves the way I am thinking about myself!
I Do Not Have To Like Every Part Of Myself To Love Myself
I recognize that I am more than what I appear to be, and I am more than the sum of my parts. With this knowledge, I can accept that I dislike some parts of myself, and still feel love for myself regardless.
I Don't Need To "Have It All," But I Do Need To Figure Out What's Most Important To Me
It's not a matter of having everything, but working on having what matters most to me at the end of the day.
My Love Is Enough For Me, And I Don't Need A Reason To Give It To Myself
I am in charge of my love, I decide who gets it, and I choose to give it to myself as often as I feel I need it. My love is enough, and it is within my control.
I Can Encourage Myself Without Punishing Myself
I do not need to hate myself to motivate myself to move forward with my life.
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