6 Things Self-Aware People Look For In A Partner

Although it can often feel as though love chooses us (rather than us choosing it), that simply isn't true. Not only do we make the conscious and continual decision whether or not to accept and cherish and care for someone, but we also have a lot more to do with the process of selecting them in the first place — far beyond what we typically assume. While some people only "fall in love" based on how they physically feel about someone (aka, how sexually attracted they are to them) people who are a little more self-aware (and have been around the block enough to realize that attraction does not equate to comparability) know there's a lot more to it than that.

When we talk about what we look for in a partner, or what we "prefer" in a type, what we're really saying is what we're seeking based on what we assume will be right for us. It then depends on what we think "right" means. Someone who looks like they should be with us, someone other people approve of, someone who makes us feel different than we are... it really can go on forever, and ultimately not bring you any much closer to actually finding someone you're compatible with. When it comes to determining this, we can all take a cue from people who are a little more self-aware. People who evaluate their lives more objectively than not. After all, when we're lost in the beauty and confusion of infatuation, it can be difficult to see clearly. So here are a few things that people who are self-aware look for in a significant other, and that maybe you should consider, too:

Someone Who Complements The Person They Are Now, Not The Person Who They Wish They Were

It seems counterintuitive, but generally speaking, you really have no chance of "clicking" with someone in the future if you cannot do it now. Granted, you may drift apart, but it's fair to assume that you can't build a relationship on an idea you have of how things, maybe, someday, could be.

Someone Who Makes Them More Of That Person At The Same Time.

While self-aware people choose partners who complement the person they are in the present, they also look for someone who helps them become more of the person they hope to be. It's in this that they grow together (and less likely apart).

Someone Whose Particular Issues Jive With Their Own

You know how they say that you should choose love based on whose demons play well with yours? Yeah well, that's more true than people realize. Problems never arise because love is lukewarm – love becomes lukewarm when there are problems in the way, and if your "issues," no matter what they are, are not something your potential partner can or is willing to handle, it's probably not going to last.

Someone Who Encourages Them To Grow

Self-aware people are generally conscious of the fact that life is about growth (and not just the physical kind). Their ideal partners influence them to grow in that way without first inducing a nervous breakdown. Speaking of:

Someone Who Is Not The Person With Whom They Had Their "Emotional Breakdown-Through"

Self-aware people know that the love that induced your complete breakdown (and ultimately, your breakthrough!) is usually not your life partner. They served a purpose that was not to be with you forever. Self-aware people can acknowledge this, feel grateful for it, but let them go.

Someone Who Wants To Walk The Same Path As Them

Someone who also wants kids, also wants to live in the country, also wants to retire young and just chill for the rest of their lives. (Lol, but really.) The point is, they don't just choose someone who they feel mutual affection for; they choose someone with whom they will be fundamentally compatible.

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