In case you've been avoiding social media for the past 24 hours (in which case, you go, Glen Coco), BabyCenter just released their ranking of the most popular baby names of 2015. And in case you're not an IG fiend, you may not have noticed that people are naming their babies after Instagram filters. Yep. I'm not making that up. Across the board, for both gender, one of the biggest rising baby name trends of 2015 featured a variety of names of photo filters. This is world we're living in. I can't make up my mind whether this is good, or bad, or just... the future.
In previous generations, the meanings behind baby names were as important as the names themselves. These days, though, it seems like the current trends are based solely on how a moniker sounds. Which is fine, but, I don't know, it seems like it lends less substance to the whole choosing process (although I'm one to talk: Madeleine means "Woman of Magdala," aka "Nothing, really").
So I wonder, if the names weren't chosen for their meaning, were they perhaps chosen for their vibes? Their IG aesthetic? How many likes they tend to rack up? Maybe.
I thought I'd put these pix to a test. First up: choose my artsiest new photo.
Awww yeah, dichotomies. Flowers and trash, trash and flowers. Now let's see what these babies might be like. Head on over to BabyCenter to see more baby name trends of 2015.
Valencia is like, very earthy, very sun-drenched, and will probably wear baby jewelry. Mom favors hippie headbands, while Dad has an overly-styled beard. Valencia will become an IG star and post a lot of photos of herself running barefoot through some fields or something. One time she wore a bindi but someone called her out on social media for cultural appropriation and she's been scared straight ever since.
Ludwig's name is a bit odd and he's had to overcome that obstacle by overcompensating with humor and bluster. He wears very circular glasses. He will join the Peace Corps, maybe in Cameroon, and then go onto Law School. He's a "good guy" who sometimes talks too much, but that's OK, because his very circular glasses are very cute.
Juno is a mod little nugget. She has a really cute bob, rocks a lot of classic striped boatneck tops, will wear glasses but will never be teased for them because she makes them seem cool, will attend a liberal arts college, and will intern for McSweeney's. Why does her red lipstick always look so good?!
Willow loves Harry Potter because she's a total Anglophile. A bookworm, she's a little nerdy, but in an irritatingly hip way once she hits high school. She'll move to NYC after graduating to join the publishing world. She takes a lot of "social media breaks," but doesn't announce them — she just disappears and you're like, "Ugh, Willow is so mysterious."
Oh, Kelvin. Kelvin likes to talk about the benefits of wearing certain crystals and adhering to a vegan lifestyle. He does a lot of work-shares on farms. Sometimes he rocks the no shirt/just a vest look. His girlfriend is really good at hula-hooping. He has a three-legged dog. One time his dog ate a weed brownie and he swears it was hilarious.
Of course, there's nothing that says anyone who carries these names actually will be anything like their social media namesake, so you know what? You do you. Go forth and name your child anything from Valencia to X-Pro II. It's aaaaaall you.
Images: @witchydotgov/Instagram (5)