Nick Offerman Teaches Us About Whiskey Drinking Etiquette In The Best Video You'll See All Day — VIDEO
Parks and Recreation's Ron Swanson is my hero. Though I'm sure that if we met in a bar he'd have a few choice things to say about my choice of diet (notably, "you're vegan? I personally don't believe in eating food that my food eats,") I'm sure we'd get along just fine on the drinking front, because Ron Swanson is a whiskey drinking champion. He's a man who understands the necessity of a good scotch and the blissful solitude that can come from sipping the sweet, fiery nectar in the comfort of your own, lone presence (it's nowhere near as lonely as it sounds. Whiskey is a great pal). Funnily enough, it seems the actor who portrayed Ron on the series, Nick Offerman, is quite similar.
It's with great joy that I bring to you the wonderful news that the wonderful people at Lagavulin Whiskey (Ron's personal tipple of choice during Parks and Recreation) have made a video of the ever wonderful Offerman drinking one of their single malts in front of a roaring fire, in absolute silence, for 45 minutes. I don't want to spoil anything, but it's 45 minutes of your life which you will be spending very wisely by watching the man imbue a fine dram with great pleasure. Drink it in like an aged spirit, people. It's good.
There's a lot about drinking etiquette that we can learn from Offerman's 45 minute meditation on the finer elements of whiskey, such as be quiet, be comfortable and take your time about it, which I think we can all learn from. His alter ego, Ron Swanson, also has some great lessons about drinking which we can all benefit from hearing. Pour yourself a tall glass of whatever your poison is, and we'll begin.
1. When Enjoying A Fine Drink, Remove All Unnecessary Distractions
I mean, like, don't destroy your phone. Just turn it off or put it on silent, or something!
2. Make Yourself Content With The Satisfaction Of Your Own Company
Sometimes, the most enjoyable drink is the one enjoyed in the quiet solitude of your own hiding space.
3. Downing Two Drinks In The Same Time It Takes To Truly Enjoy One Is A Grave Mistake
Let those flavors sit for a while, take the buzz in gently, and kick back and relax. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
4. Stick To Your Boundaries
Even that means avoiding drinks which offend you to your very core.
5. But Throw Out The Rule Book
From a glass, from a jar, from a bottle or from a can. Just live the dream, people.
6. Although, There's Definitely Some Limitations
There's no need to get fancy. If you need to inhale your alcohol in some way, then something's gone very wrong somewhere.
7. Recognize The Good Deed You're Doing For Yourself And Show Some Love
Nice job, you deserve this.
8. Once You've Drank A Certain Amount You Might Feel An Intense Desire To Start Dancing
And you should definitely go with your instincts and get your jive on.
9. But Once You Reach A Certain Point, It Might Be Time To Call It A Night
Not sure what song is playing? Are you wearing a hat that you borrowed from a girl you met in the toilets over an hour ago? I think it might be bedtime.
10. Be Honest About Your Alcohol Consumption
One bottle is equal to one unit, right? Is that how it works?
11. And Definitely Don't Waste Energy On Anything You Might Have Done That You Maybe Shouldn't Have
Regrets are a waste of time. You're a champion!
I hope this has been insightful, and furthermore, why not pour yourself another glass, kick back and enjoy a pleasant drink with the delightful company of Offerman's whiskey drinking video. He really is the drinking pal you never knew you needed.