What 10 Fictional Ladies Would Want for Christmas
Gift-giving can sometimes feel like a game. You want to win and find someone that absolutely perfect gift that proves that you know them — not just give in and buy them a gift card or a scented candle. Of course, usually the people that you're shopping for are real, actual people who you know and interact with in your life. That's the normal demographic for gift-buying. But what about all the fictional people in your life? What about all those badass literary ladies who helped you through so many tight spots? Why should you leave them out of your gift-buying plans?
You shouldn't, of course. You should go ahead and buy that perfect present for your fictional friend. Or, if somehow you find yourself unable to leap into the literary world and deliver said present, you should at least do them the service of imagining what you would buy them if you could. Or hey, maybe you'll realize that your best friend is an Elizabeth Bennett type when it comes to the ideal gift. Or that your quirky aunt is a total Luna Lovegood. Or that your really intense cousin gives off Amy Dunne vibes (but in a fun way). Either way, here are some ideas for fictional gift-giving, following what 10 fictional ladies would want for Christmas.
1. Violet Baudelaire from A Series of Unfortunate Events: Floral Tool Kit
As far as young female inventors go, Violet Baudelaire is pretty close to perfect. She's savvy and quick-thinking, and always ready to cobble together some kind of life-saving device from whatever happens to be lying around. But she would probably prefer some real tools and some time for recreational inventing. And given that Violet doesn't mind dresses or colorful hair ribbons, she might appreciate a touch of floral design when it comes to her home tool kit (if only her life was full of floral hammers instead of misery and woe).
2. Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter: Monster Hunt: The Guide to Cryptozoology by Rory Storm
Luna Lovegood is already an expert in Cryptozoology (that is, the study of "hidden" or possibly "imaginary" animals). However, her knowledge seems limited to Nargles and Crumple Horned Snorkacks. She might appreciate a book that covers all of the muggle cryptids, such as the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, the Yeti, and the like. This book would be perfect for Luna, or anyone else who loves strange and unusual creatures, and would like to spend their time reading about Chupacabras and Mongolian Death Worms.
3. Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice: Feminist Mug by TheVixensGallery
OK, so by modern standards Lizzie Bennet might seem a tad restrained. But back in the day, she was considered an unconventional, standout character. I mean, a girl who didn't want to marry for status was someone going against the status quo. So Elizabeth Bennet might like this fancy, feminist tea cup. It gets its badass message across while still being feminine, and you can drink tea out of it. That's pretty much on-the-nose for Jane Austen.
4. Arya Stark from A Song of Ice and Fire: Swiss Army Knife
Arya is small, compact and surprisingly dangerous — much like a Swiss Army Knife. Plus she could probably use a knife hidden on her person at all times, because there isn't always room for a sword fight (come to think of it, literally everyone in Westeros should carry a knife on them at all times). Poor Arya seems to encounter a ridiculous number of situations in which she needs to either fight or take flight, so it couldn't hurt to give her several extra tools. And she would appreciate something gender-neutral, because floral isn't so much her thing.
5. Beatrice from Much Ado About Nothing: The Snark Handbook: Insult Edition by Lawrence Dorfman
Beatrice is pretty much the fictional queen of verbal sparring. It's no wonder Benedick falls for her (and no wonder she falls for him, because he's pretty quick with the banter himself). We can safely assume that Beatrice doesn't really need any help building up her insult game. But, since she loves jabs and witty put-downs so very much, she would probably like to read up on the subject in her free time. And then try them out on her dear Benedick to see if he can retaliate.
6. Janie Crawford from Their Eyes Were Watching God: "This Princess Saves Herself" Shirt
Poor Janie Crawford. She's such an resilient character, and one who truly believes in love, and yet she's put through the wringer. She has all her convictions tested. She has to learn to save herself. She could probably use a comfy shirt commemorating her journey of love and self-discovery. OK, so this shirt might not encompass all the complexities of her character, but it's pretty to the point.
7. Scheherazade from One Thousand and One Nights: Lost: The Complete First Season
It can't be easy, telling your husband a new story every single night so that he won't murder you. And every story must end in a cliffhanger, so that Scheherazade's husband will actually want to hear the next installment. Maybe Scheherazade could take a break for a week or so and just turn on the first season of Lost? It's got cliffhangers a-plenty. And Scheherazade might have time to catch up on writing some more tantalizing tales while her husband tries to figure out what the smoke monster is.
8. Fantine from Les Miserables: A Hat
Someone PLEASE get this woman a hat. She sold all her hair and her front teeth to pay a ransom on her kid. She's not doing so well. Please buy her a lovely wool hat so she doesn't die from the cold and possibly sexually transmitted diseases (spoiler alert: she dies). It's even a beret! So she'll fit in with all the other French peasants!
9. Amy Dunne from Gone Girl: Male Tears Mug
Need I say more?
10. Jane Eyre from Jane Eyre: His and Hers Towels by TwistedStitches13
Because she could get an extra "Hers" towel. Get it? Because he has a secret wife locked up in the attic? OK, maybe not the most tasteful present. (But Rochester would kind of deserve it.) Jane's a tough customer, but she's a romantic at the end of the day, and she'd probably like to celebrate her marriage with equality of towels (and also remind Rochester of the wife he hid from her in his attic).
Image: 20th Century Fox