Jennifer Aniston's Big Mac Phobia, and 9 Other Laughable Celebrity Food Quotes

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Jennifer Aniston's Big Mac Phobia, and 9 Other Laughable Celebrity Food Quotes

It's well-known that celebrities have a weird relationship with food. After all, it's pretty clear from Hollywood's high incidence of four-pack (or more) abs and thighs that don't rub together that stars have never met my best friend and worst enemy: pasta. So here's a list of celebrities saying weird shit about food. Because they can act, they can sing, they can rock crazy outfits, but the one thing it seems they can't really do is understand how normal people eat.

Celebrities: Being Funky About Food

It's well-known that celebrities have a weird relationship with food. After all, it's pretty clear from Hollywood's high incidence of four-pack (or more) abs and thighs that don't rub together that stars have never met my best friend and worst enemy: pasta. So here's a list of celebrities saying weird shit about food. Because they can act, they can sing, they can rock crazy outfits, but the one thing it seems they can't really do is understand how normal people eat.

Jennifer Aniston

Aniston said of a Big Mac, “Wow, my body did not react well to that! It was like putting gasoline in a purified system.” Um... yeah, totally me too. Much like Aniston, my body is like the Maserati of, er, bodies, except it runs on chicken nuggets and tequila sunrises. Don't hate.

Jada Pinkett-Smith

“I don’t eat for pleasure ... I eat for my schedule, so I have to eat high-protein, lots of greens and healthy carbs so that I don’t fall flat on my face.” Um, excuse us — every meal is an opportunity for pleasure. Also, what does eating for a schedule actually mean? What is Tupperware for if not to allow us to eat awesomely delicious food all day long?

Alicia Silverstone

“I know what it feels like to be hurt, and I don't want to cause that pain to any other person or creature.” Alicia Silverstone, do you know what it's like to be eaten? Giving yourself a papercut is probably not that similar to being made into steaks. We're not buying it.

Gwyneth Paltrow

“When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat.” Wow. Paltrow must really love zucchini. Also, if anything involving gardening excites you so much your heart races... have more sex. Like, now.

Jennifer Lopez

“I could serve coffee using my rear as a ledge.” Okay, so technically Lopez isn't talking about food she eats personally, but this is gold. I would LOVE to be served coffee off J.Lo's ass, although I sort of doubt the physical possibility of it. Whatever. Also she referred to her own ass as her "rear." Ha. Rear.

Ms. Piggy

“Never eat more than you can lift.” AMEN SISTER. It's really a shame that I so wholeheartedly concur because Ms. Piggy is literally a fat pig. Whatever, I love myself and hate myself but my diet starts tomorrow.

Pamela Anderson

"Don't Eat Meat! Don't Wear Fur! I mean, there are so many other options these days." It's not that any of these points are particularly laughable, it's just that people definitely don't eat meat because they cannot figure out what else to possibly eat. Sorry Pamela, but I'm rarely faced with choices between crackers and, like, an entire Christmas ham. Although usually if given that choice, I'll take the ham.

Federico Fellini

“Life is a combination of magic and pasta.” Truer words have never been spoken. I have long been an outspoken advocate of mac-n-cheese for any and all, and it's nice to know that Fellini is on that mac-n-cheese grind as well. Who cares that he's probably referring to classier pasta dishes, being Italian and all?

Queen Latifah

“I am not one to turn down macaroni and cheese, even late at night. I love Italian food. I love pasta ... A refrigerator full of water and Gatorade? Honey, that`s just not gonna happen.” YES. another advocate. I knew Queen Latifah would get me. Not eating pasta? Ain't nobody got time for dat.

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi

“But it's really hard to eat good when you're traveling because you see fast food and you want to go to this restaurant and that restaurant.” Clearly, Snooki doesn't quite understand the concept of a diet. She should start a Zoolander-esque cooking program for People Who Travel But Wanna Eat Good. I'd definitely attend.