From binkies to nap time to believing in Santa, there are plenty of things you grow out of as you age, but reading picture books is definitely not one of them. There's a whole section of the bookstore you may not have found yet, but absolutely need to, and it's where they hide all of the uproariously inappropriate parody picture books for grown-ups.
Despite what you may think, picture books aren't only for kids, and children's books aimed at adults prove that no matter how old you are, you can still get a kick out of them. Instead of rhyming poems about giving and sharing, adult picture books have verses devoted to drinking wine, finding a boyfriend, and putting your iPad away for the night. Adorable animal illustrations are out and bloody, zombified bunnies take their place in page after page of mature content that will tickle the twisted mind of grown-ups. Anyone who says getting old sucks clearly hasn't spent enough time with their nose stuck in a picture book, because bedtime books for toddlers have nothing on Go the F**k to Sleep.
Because adults need a good laugh, too, here are 11 picture books meant for adults that will have you peeing your pants like a five year old.
1. Do You Want to Play With My Balls? by The Cifaldi Brothers
A book that both kids and adults can appreciate, Do You Want to Play With My Balls ? is full of jokes only adults will understand. Perfectly child-friendly, it's a book that will make you LOL while reading aloud, and your kids will have no idea why... well, not yet at least.
2. K is for Knifeball: An Alphabet of Terrible Advice by Avery Monsen and Jory John
Picture books are used to help teach children about sharing, safety, compassion, and a number of other important life lessons. This book that should definitely not be used for that purpose. A book where adorable characters make catastrophic decisions, K is for Knifeball is great for a laugh but terrible for advice.
3. You Have to F**king Eat by Adam Mansbach
If you thought the runaway bestseller Go the F**k to Sleep was great, you need to read Adam Mansback's follow up about the frustrating, hair-pulling task of getting your kids to eat their damn dinner. Hilarious and full of adult language, this is definitely a picture book to read during nap time, and not before.
4. Pat the Zombie: A Cruel (Adult) Spoof by Aaron Ximm
Some adult picture books are sentimental or funny, and some are just straight up disturbing. With page after page of illustrated decaying zombie bodies, Pat the Zombie falls into the latter category. Dark yet oddly sentimental, this niche book is perfect for fans of The Walking Dead and kids' books.
5. Fuck You Sun by Matt Cole
Kids hate bedtime, but adults hate waking up after a night out even more. Fuck You Sun is a hilarious parody of a childhood classic that every grown will love for it's dirty humor.
6. The Very Thirsty Vampire by Michael Teitelbaum
The vampire is very thirsty, but he's looking for more than just your average blood. Clever and entertaining for both adults and mature kids, The Very Thirsty Vampire is the perfect parody picture book.
7. Are You My Boyfriend? by C. B. Bryza
Not all adult picture books are dirty and inappropriate. Are You My Boyfriend? is a charming, lighthearted spin on the P. D. Eastman's classic that features a girl just looking for her perfect BF. Inspiring and absolutely adorable, this picture book makes a perfect adult gift.
8. All My Friends Are Dead by Avery Monsen and Jory John
Masters of the genre, Avery Monsen and Jory Jon know how to write the ultimate picture books for adults. All My Friends Are Dead is a delightfully dark tale of complaints featuring lonely dinosaurs, dying houseplants, and everyone in between. Get ready to actually laugh out loud with this one.
9. If You Give a Kid a Cookie, Will He Shut the Fuck Up? : A Parody for Adults by Marcy Roznick
Growing up, one of my all time favorite books was Laura Joffe Numeroff's If You Give a Mouse a Cookie , so when I came across Marcy Roznick's reinterpretation of it, I was overwhelmed with nostalgia and delight. A Not Safe For Story Time picture book, If You Give a Kid a Cookie is a foulmouthed, comical rip that parents can appreciate.