We Can Predict Your New Year's Resolution Based On Your Favorite Friend From 'Friends'
New Year's Day is either a time to stay inside and sleep off your hangover, or to wake up early refreshed for the start of what will hopefully be another great year. Nothing is more refreshing, however, than checking in with your Friends family. Starting the new year off with a Friends marathon is a resolution that we should have all made even before the clock hit midnight, ushering out the old year and ushering in the new. After all, the gang is so relatable that just about every one of us either knows someone who is like a member of the Friends or is someone who is like a member of the Friends. And, because of that, I can already tell you what your perfect new year's resolution should be — and whether or not you end up sticking to it in the end.
After 10 seasons, I think we all feel like we know the Friends well enough to make some guesses about their lives, to know their personalities as well as we know our own, and to wish them nothing but happiness wherever they are in 2016. That same principle applies to our own lives, and to the lives of the friends we no doubt have that remind us of Ross Geller, Monica Geller, Chandler Bing, Rachel Green, Phoebe Buffay, and Joey Tribbiani. So, whether you're a Joey or a Ross, a Monica or Rachel, or just know someone who is, here are the resolutions that you should be making in the new year, and how likely it is that you'll stick to them.
If You're A Ross Geller
Resolution: To finally get over your on-again off-again ex and maybe go on a real date with that cute barista at Starbucks who keeps writing their number on the side of your coffee cup. Also, to write down good conversation openers on flash cards to keep in your pocket, so that you don't keep defaulting to your very, very niche interests every time you get nervous.
Will You Stick To It? You'll stick to it for about a month to two months, before you accidentally call that cute barista by your ex's name. The second one you'll just plain never stick to, except for once when you get the flash cards stuck together and end up having a conversation that makes no sense with someone you're trying to impress.
If You're A Joey Tribbiani
Resolution: To figure out how to grow 14 stomachs, so that you can eat 14 times as much food as you can currently fit in your body. Also, to finally make it big as an actor in Hollywood or on Vine or on YouTube or — whatever, you just should be famous by 2016, OK?
Will You Stick To It? You'll stick to both of these, if only because the first one you can do while watching TV, and the second one you've been trying to do for years anyway.
If You're A Rachel Green
Resolution: To finally get over your on-again off-again ex and maybe go on a real date with that cute barista at Starbucks who keeps writing their number on the side of your coffee cup. Also, to start your own fashion line, perhaps with the help of a season-long role on Project Runway.
Will You Stick To It? You'll stick with it until you see your ex going on a date with a different cute barista, and then do everything in your power to sabotage that date so that your ex is single enough to hate that you're ignoring them. As for the Project Runway thing, well, there's always next year.
If You're A Chandler Bing
Resolution: To be less sarcastic and more open about your emotions in a way that makes your friends feel more appreciated and your significant others feel like you're not just waiting for them to dump you. Also, just kidding; your real resolution is to tell even better jokes than you did last year.
Will You Stick To It? You think your jokes are getting better. Your friends are just jealous. So jury's out on this one.
If You're A Phoebe Buffay
Resolution: To turn your amateur songwriting career into a professional songwriting career, because you are 10 times cuter than Taylor Swift, and your songs have real-world application. Also, to find out what they're feeding smelly cat.
Will You Stick To It? You'll never find out what they're feeding smelly cat. Just give up on that one right now. As for the first one, well, you'll stick with it for about a month, but you'll find a job that fulfills you just as much, and become the happiest and most well-adjusted of all your friends. Mostly.
If You're A Monica Geller
Resolution: To clean everything in the world, and finally get your friends to listen to you because you know best about cleaning, cooking, organizing, and life managing. Also, to become more relaxed and fun, because your friends have stopped taking your calls.
Will You Stick To It? Your resolutions are fundamentally contradictory to one another, so no. You'll give up after about a week of trying to do the second thing, and return to your normally scheduled program of trying to do the first thing. Either way, you'll have your friends by your side to roll their eyes at your nagging but love you through every success and failure.
And, honestly, that's what your new year should be about in the end: having friends, and watching Friends.
Image: Warner Bros. Television; Giphy (6)