You may feel a deep side-eye coming on when your aunt puts a Victoria's Secret gift card under your Christmas tree, or when your friend wraps you a bundle of condoms and presents it to you as your gift, but that's nothing compared to what Zac Efron's mother did this year. Shirtless wonder Zach Efron revealed his mother gave him Penis-shaped pasta this Christmas, quipping, "You know your mom's on point when she puts this in your stocking." Dead. Thank you, Mama Zefron for making it a Merry Christmas for all of us. I guess my only real concern is, what will she gift next?
Hey, there's only a rough 360-something days until next Christmas! Mama Zefron definitely needs to get the wheels churning if she wants to get a jump start on the holidays. And this idea was no doubt great. Practical? Check. Delicious? Check? Shaped like a bunch of wangs? Totally check. More than anything though, it's delightful because it is every inch (heehee) an inappropriate gift for a mother to give to her son. And since I hope she never stops, I feel like it is my civic duty to pile up some ideas for the following year.
Here are a handful of delightfully inappropriate gifts that Efron's mom can consider for next Christmas... or his birthday... or fun the sheer thrill of it.
Anatomically Correct Gingerbread Men
Maybe they can have his killer abs and... other fine Zefron features.
I think this one is a top notch idea because then he can wear that, and only that, from now until the end of time.
A Box Of Boob-Cakes
Oh, don't be coy, I mean those cupcakes frosted to look like boobs. This one seems like a decided upgrade from this year's gift, at least on Efron's end.
Those Weird Sparkly Twilight Dildos
Not really sure why this one stuck in my mind, I guess I was conjuring up teen sensations from 2009 and Edward Cullen seemed right up there with Troy Bolton. A great addition on top of anyone's Christmas tree.
High School Musical Porno Parody On DVD
Because if I've learned anything about the Internet, it's that somewhere out there this most definitely exists.
High School Musical 2 Porno Parody On DVD
No doubt there's a glossier parody for the third movie, but are you really going to buy tickets to see that? No thank you.
Troy Bolton Blow-Up Love Doll
At long last, an inflatable version of everyone's favorite Wildcat for Efron to keep in his room to remind him of a simpler time.
Gabriella's Mom's Brownies
Her mom makes the best brownies in the world, didn't you hear? I'm not really sure if "brownies" are subtext for something else, or if there's something unwholesome in them, but I remain forever skeptical about what exactly makes Gabriella's mom's brownies the best.
We Are Your Friends
No, that's OK, no need to be weird.
Whatever she gets for our boy next year, here's hoping it comes with a huge serving of humor.
Images: Giphy (9)