A few days ago, I would've told you there was nothing to be done between now and Nov. 18, 2016 but to wait until Newt Scamander graces your movie theater screens. However, with the new Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them photo, I've blessedly been proven wrong. In fact, one thing we definitely have to do is scour this image for clues and come up with a series of questions about the upcoming movie. That's something we owe to ourselves, and to our Harry Potter-obsessed childhoods, and, frankly, to J.K. Rowling. Hasn't she done enough for us? It's time to get back. Anyway, as I'm sure we all know by now, since, if you don't, your friendship with me is on the line, Fantastic Beasts is about Newt Scamander, who we met in the original Harry Potter books and movies as the author of the Hogwarts textbook called — you guessed it — Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them.
In this film, we'll follow Scamander's 1920s capers around New York City, when his menagerie of magical creatures escapes, and he's surrounded by some other people we're getting our first look at in this new image. We've already met some of the Fantastic Beasts characters, which is how I know that the two people Eddie Redmayne is standing between in this photo are Dan Fogler, who plays Muggle factory work Jacob Kowalski, and Katherine Waterston, who plays Porpentina Goldstein, a worker at the Magical Congress of the United States of America, the American version of the Ministry of Magic.
But that's all we know from this photo, which is why I now have some very important questions to pose to whomever is listening and would like to forward me the answers. (Cough cough J.K. Rowling cough cough.)
1. What Is Everybody Looking At?
Just give me a sneaky peek!
2. Why Is Newt Scamander The Most Brightly-Dressed Wizard In All Of New York City?
Everyone else is in greys and whites and browns, and he's rocking the mustard and turquoise combo.
3. Why Does It Only Ever Rain On His Head?
Everyone else's hair looks completely immaculate, and Newt's is a mess.
4. What's In The Box?
You get it.
5. Whose House Is This?
Is it a bed and breakfast? Can I go?
6. Why Isn't That Muggle At Work?
As far as I know, factories aren't a work-from-home proposition, even in 1920.
7. Why Is Porpentina The Only One Wearing A Hat?
Did your mamas raise you in a barn, Newt and Jacob?
8. Does It Make Anyone Else Uncomfortable How Close Jacob's Fingers Are To The Hinge?
Get your thumb slammed in a door one time, and you can never un-see.
All right, that should be enough to get you guys started, right? Once you have answers, you can forward them to me here, at the Cupboard Under the Stairs, 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey. Thanks so much.
