The month of November just got a little lonelier for the chins of the world: beards are going out of fashion. Soon, we might just see exactly what dudes faces look like without lush hair to cover or embellish their jawlines. It's a terrifying prospect. Apparently, the beard has been in decline for a while, but that's just been speculation. Now, thanks (or not thanks?) to expert intervention, the death of the beard is a reality. The expert in question is cultural historian Alun Whitney who has been studying patterns in history and other historical data on facial hair, which has led him to the conclusion that any day now beards will fall into style obscurity.
The end of beards, says Whitney, has a lot to do with hipster's day in the sun being over, and the prevailing style trending towards "yuccie" (Young Urban Creative), which is more clean-shaven and put together than its style predecessor. Whitney says of beards, "There will be a backlash. They are divisive. There is already a backlash in the United States where there’s a new ideal; the yuccie." So there you have it, bearded folk: time to start stocking up on razors, because beards aren't cool anymore.
But obviously that's not to say that beards aren't sexy any more. They're still sexy as hell. Which is why I've decided to launch my own mini (official) investigation into the sexiness of beards. Here's my scientific case for why beards are still sexy:
1. Because Oscar Isaac
I mean, I feel like I've already made my point. Just look at that GIF. Are you not convinced? Just in case, I've got more back-up proof to further bolster my point that beards remain forever sexy.
2. Because Idris Elba
I'm really sorry that I have to objectify men this way in order to make what I believe to be a salient point about beards. But I'm seriously going to be very sad to see beards go. So I just want men to know, your beard is sexy to someone, and just because fashion might say so, it doesn't mean you need to shave.
3. Because Tom Hardy
I know, I know, using a gif that also has a puppy in it is incredibly manipulative of me but I don't care LOOK AT THAT BEARD.
4. Because Chris Evans
Sure, Chris Evans has a nice chin. But he has a beautiful beard. Beards forever.
5. Because Keanu Reeves
Keanu Reeves gives good beard. I think I've made my case.
If Whitney's predictions are correct and the beard does disappear from the faces of men everywhere, it will be a sad day indeed. I will miss you, beards.