So you recently met the “perfect” person and can’t stop thinking about them, or talking about them to literally anyone who will listen. If you’re someone who is hoping this is “The One,” you might consider some ways to tell if your relationship will last. It’s all fine and dandy if you’re very physically attracted to this person, or if it excites you that they have a lucrative career, but there are other things to take into consideration.
Some of the ways to tell you are in a healthy relationship — and one that’s likely to last — might not seem as obvious as others. For example, as we’ll talk about in point number two, the fact that you and your partner sometimes bicker is actually a good thing. It means you have an open form of communication between the two of you, and that you don’t tend to let things build up to an explosive level. Other points hit on the more obvious, like the ability to trust your partner. (If you genuinely feel like you constantly have a reason to snag your partner’s phone to scan through their texts, this is not a trusting relationship, my friend.)
If you’re curious whether your relationship fits into the “built-to-last” mold, check out these six ways to tell you and your SO are headed in the right direction:
1. You Have The Same Core Values
According to his article on YourTango.com, relationship expert Clayton Olson said there is a definite importance in ensuring you and your partner have similar core values. Olson said you shouldn’t have to feel like you’re constantly trying to change your partner to align to your values. If you’re looking for a long-lasting relationship, on the onset consider how you and your partner align in terms of the important things, like wanting a family, views on religion, life goals, where you want to ultimately live, etc. As Olson said, whether or not your thoughts on these things jive could make a huge difference in terms of the health of your relationship.
2. You Bicker Sometimes
Not all the time — but sometimes. (Really, there is almost nothing worse than listening to a couple who is constantly bickering, other than being that couple who is always bickering.) According to a Psychology Today article by Jonathan Fader, Ph.D., research shows couples that bicker and then resolve those conflicts have an increased chance of maintaining a long-lasting relationship. Why is this? Couples who hold it in are basically building up all of those emotions, leading to more explosive fights down the road. Think of it this way — those bickering moments are really a way to keep communication as open as possible, and as we’ve all heard before, open communication is a key factor to a healthy and long-lasting relationship.
3. You Realize The Importance Of Compromise
While we want to make sure the person we’ve dating is aligned with our core values as we’ve already discussed, it’s impractical to think we’re going to have all of the same general interests. This is where compromise comes in. According to the Huffington Post, a primary way to tell if your relationship has what it takes to last is whether you and your partner are willing to compromise for one another. The idea is that if you really care about your partner’s happiness, you’ll cave here and there to do things you don’t want to do, but that you know will make them happy. Likewise, they’ll do the same for you. According to the Huffington Post, ideally they’ll be an equal balance of compromise from either side of the relationship in order to be most happy and satisfied.
4. You Completely Trust Each Other
Another sign you’re relationship is solid is if there is a sense of trust between you and your partner, according to Olson. Trust can mean something as big as having faith that your partner isn’t cheating, or as simple as trusting that they’ll some up on time to your dinner date. If you find you can’t help but constantly hack into your SO’s social media accounts, or are dying to get your hands on their phone to see who they’ve been texting, that complete sense of trust simply might not be there.
5. You Have A Fulfilling Sex Life
According to Jianny Adamo, LMHC, founder of Fearless Love Relationship Coaching and Counseling, happy couples keep their sex life interesting. She told Glamour that happy couples, “have fun in the bedroom and don't allow their sex life to become monotonous and stale.” What about those days when sex isn’t an option? Adamo said those in a healthy relationship will keep the spark going by sexting and flirting. Sounds like you and your partner? Good!
6. You’re Genuinely Interested In Your Partner’s Life
If you don’t find it completely enthralling that your partner went to get their oil changed today, I don’t blame you. However, if you’re finding you’re not interested in hearing about your partner’s pursuits of a new career path, or a serious problem they’re having with one of their close friends or relatives, stop right there. According to a Huffington Post article by relationship expert Margaret Paul, Ph.D., a major relationship red flag is when a partner isn’t interested in what they other person says. We should want to hear about our SO and what’s going on with them, and vice-versa if we intend on having a relationship that’s truly built to last.
For those ladies reading this and thinking, “Yes!!!” — kudos to you, girls. On the opposite end, if you think your relationship is lacking one or more of these fundamental things, it might be time to re-evaluate and determine whether this is the right person for you. As my mom (and probably yours) always says, “There are plenty of fish in the sea.”