How To Benefit From A Bad Breakup

by Teresa Newsome
Rear view of a young woman taking pictures of the Grand Canyon
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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. At least, that's what Kelly Clarkson says. Or the Bible. Or both, I'm not sure. Anyway, it's true. There are so many ways a bad breakup can make you more confident. Whether it's the realization that you were an awesome partner, or the relief of dodging a major bullet, there's so much gold to mine from those tough times.

Sure, it might not feel like anything good will ever happen again when you're just entering the cave of despair that follows most bad breakups, but remember that there is light at the end of that tunnel. As someone who has both been through a heart-pummeling breakup recently and someone who worked with couples as a Domestic Violence Victim Advocate and Planned Parenthood Certified Responsible Sexuality Educator, I can tell you with complete confidence that once you get through the sad feels, you're in store from some pretty great ones.

If you're just entering the sad breakup stage and you need some hope, these ways a breakup makes you more confident can give you hope. If you're already there, they can put an extra feather in your cap. Because you are so freaking spectacular that anyone who doesn't see your worth is a blessing to let go of.

1. It Makes You Fearless

For some people, going through something terrible makes them brave. The train of thought is something like "I have been through something so terrible that I didn't think I would survive it, and I did! So I can do anything!" It's a kind of wisdom that makes life a little easier. Unfortunately, it's also something you can only learn the hard way.

2. It Lets You Work On You

You're single now. You can take stock of what went wrong in the relationship (if anything did) and you can use those lessons to make you a better person. You can also take dance classes, write bad poetry, get new hair, make new friends, and basically do anything else you want that makes you feel confident because you don't have to consider anyone else's feelings in your decision making anymore. Not that your old relationship held you back (or maybe it did) but those wings are ready for you to dust off. Plus, that good old-fashioned introspection time after a breakup is kind of the best, right?

3. It Makes You Stress Less

It's amazing how much your ability let the small stuff go in life improves after you've been through a trial. You might think something like "Late on a bill? Psh. I cried for three weeks straight without stopping last year. This late fee does not phase me." This new strength will make it easier for you to get through the day, kind of like you've been through boot camp for dealing with crappy stuff. It's going to take something big to break you again, and that's a kind of inner confidence that's everything.

4. It Makes Room For Something Better

I was in a pretty good relationship for a long time, and I thought I was pretty confident. Then it ended badly, and I was devastated, naturally. But I met someone new, and now my confidence is through the roof. I learned so many lessons. My new partner is so much better for me, in all the best, healthiest ways. My life is going in an amazing new direction that would have never been possible in my old relationship. Sometimes losing someone is the greatest gift to your confidence ever. Especially if that person ever made you feel like you were less than the amazing goddess you are.

5. It Rallies Your Squad

What makes you feel better than your people? Is there anything, really? It's kind of like a squad given that once the tears start, your people will swoop in and start on a mission to build you up and make you feel better. Just take all those compliments in and take stock of how awesome your friends are. I mean, look at all those fantastic human beings. And you're a member of that group! You must be pretty spectacular, too.

6. It Makes You Angry

A little self-righteous anger can do wonders for your confidence. Yell it in your apartment, or scrawl it out in your journals, but just get it out. Maybe it sounds something like "You are so stupid, ex, you don't know what you lost! You're missing out on the best thing that ever happened to you! I am way too awesome to ever get dumped!" Preach. Who has the nerve to do you wrong? You ex, that's who! Speak on it until you feel better. You'll get a nice boost.

7. It Makes You Independent

Sometimes when you're in a relationship, especially for a long time, it makes you forget that you need to be your own person. You need to be able to stand on your own two feet if something should happen to your partner. You need to have our own goals and dreams. After a bad breakup, you can get your "Miss Independent" goals back on track so even when your next relationship rolls around, you're confident enough in your own self to keep from losing yourself.

These are just a few coins in the pot of gold at the end of the bad breakup rainbow. Now stop listening to sad music and go get new hair (if that's what you're into).

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