Have you ever been in a funk that you can't get out of, and no matter what seems to go right in your life, you manage to make the worst of it? Yeah, that's because sometimes, you really can be your own worst enemy. That's natural. It comes from self doubt and insecurity, and all the terrible little curses of the human condition that stop us from living life as our most fabulous selves every single moment. The worst part is, you might not even know that you're sabotaging yourself. There are behaviors that are so small and innocuous that you might not know you're doing them, and ever worse, you might not know that by doing them you're making your life more difficult for yourself. Sucks to be you, huh?
The first step to avoiding self-sabotage is recognizing that you're doing it. Ask yourself why things aren't going your way, and more likely than not, you'll find that it's nothing to do with factors outside your control, and everything to do with the way you're acting in light of those factors. After all, the only thing you can control is yourself, and the way you face the actors influencing your life. Here are some ways you make things difficult for yourself without even realizing.
1. Blaming Someone Else For Your Failure
Every time you blame someone else for your misfortune, you're actually only hurting yourself. Yes, maybe your boss was unfair. Maybe someone else got a promotion over you even though your work was better. Maybe your cake was ruined because the supermarket didn't have the flour you usually use. No matter how big or how banal, blaming someone else for things not going right in your life is the first mistake you're making. Own your failures, and know that your success isn't in anyone else's hands. Sure, it might seem like someone else's actions have hurt you, but you're the only one who either relents to that, or charges on ahead regardless of external factors.
2. Wallowing In Self Pity
If you're feeling sorry for yourself a lot, chances are you're sabotaging your opportunities to be better. THE WORLD IS NOT OUT TO GET YOU. Feeling sorry for yourself is just fostering negativity, and pitying yourself is just an excuse for inaction.
3. Making Excuses For Yourself
Making excuses for yourself is a great way to continue doing so forever. "Oh I'm just tired today, so I won't go to the gym" could be used indefinitely, for instance. You're always too this or too that or too scared or too busy — those things will never stop being true. You just have to stop using them as reasons not to perform to the best of your ability. You think Beyoncé ever stopped herself doing some thing out of fear/illness/tiredness/literally anything ever?
4. Not Trying Again
There's a saying: it's not how you fall down that matters, it's how you pick yourself back up that counts. Or something. If things are going badly, you ruin your chances of things going better by simply not trying. Inaction is self-sabotage. Fear of failure is a real thing, sure, but you're never going to know if you don't try first.
5. Picking Yourself Apart
Tearing yourself to shreds is self-sabotage 101. Saying "I'm not this enough" or "I'm not that enough" isn't productive. It's just going to pull you apart and hurt you. Why would you want to hurt yourself? Having a positive attitude about yourself is essential, and while you might have to quiet those dissenting voices, you'll feel much better when you do.
6. Deciding On An Outcome Ahead Of Time
If you go into a situation deciding what it's going to be like ahead of time, you're never going to have any fun. Self-defeating people think, "I hate the cold, therefore I'm not going to like this ice skating adventure." Meanwhile, if you're doing something new, you have no idea how you're going to feel about it. Go in with positivity, and you never know what you might learn about yourself!
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