When you don't trust, and you keep yourself at a distance, you create problems in your relationship. The same is true when you're too trusting in your relationship. Being too trusting opens you up to those who would take advantage of you. It can also make you seem like you're coming on too strong. Too much, too soon.
Trusting too much could come from just having a good heart, or poor judgement. It can also come from some issues you need to work on. You could have a need for approval, a longing to be loved and accepted, or a lack of boundaries. As a former Domestic Violence Victim Advocate and Planned Parenthood Certified Responsible Sexuality Educator, I also unfortunately saw the ways being too trusting opened people up to relationships with abusers. It's almost like abusers can smell someone they can take advantage of.
If you're too trusting, fear not. Even if it's second-nature to you, learning appropriate boundaries, revealing personal information at the right time, and having better judgement about who you date are skills you can practice and learn. As you get more confident, and as you learn healthier behaviors, you'll also be able to spot when you're doing any of the following, or when someone's trying to take advantage of your good nature.
1. You Overshare
Oversharing is funny sometimes, but for the most part, it's awkward. If you're in a new relationship, you should really get to know someone before you reveal all your inner fears, that time you got arrested in college, the status of your most recent yeast infection, and your ATM card pin. You might think this person is great and trustworthy, but they could end up your worst nightmare. I'm not saying you should be a closed book, but I am saying you maybe should read every page of your book out loud all at once.
2. You Fall Super Fast
As soon as your first date is over, do you start looking for apartments, shopping for cats, calling adoption agencies, and putting wedding dresses on hold? Do you name your children, introduce your date to everyone you know, and change your Facebook status? There's no way you can really know someone after one date, even if it's the best date in the world and you have that "I just know" feeling. This works out for some people once in their lives, but it shouldn't be how you operate in every relationship. Give your partner time to become a whole person.
3. You Hand Over Your Credit Card
Or sign a lease, or get a joint bank account, or co-sign on a jet ski loan, after like three weeks into a relationship. This is classic lesbian behavior. As the joke goes, lesbians bring a UHaul to the third date. But it's not just (some) lesbians who get too close, too soon. Anyone who is too trusting has the potential to fall into this trap. The problem is that it takes time to truly know someone, so when you're so conjoined, so quickly, it can feel like a trap. Plus you can end up losing all your money.
4. You Never Ask Questions
When you're trusting, you give your partner the freedom to come and go, to be themselves, and to have their privacy. When you're too trusting, you let your partner walk all over you. Your partner is always gone, and you never know where they are. Your partner is very secretive, and you turn a blind eye. You hear rumors about your partner's scandalous behavior over and over again, but you just brush them off. It's not OK to police what your partner does, where they go, and with whom, but it is OK to have an idea of how the person you spend your life with spends their time.
5. Your Partner Can Do No Wrong
Forgiveness is part of any healthy relationship, but so is making your partner take responsibility for their actions. If your partner seems to mess up a lot, and you tend to just buy every excuse, you're probably being too trusting. What's worse, is that you're just enabling bad behavior, which lets your partner continue to make poor choices (that probably involve treating you badly). It's OK to call your partner out once in awhile, and to be honest about your feelings.
6. You Always Get Taken Advantage Of
When you're too trusting, your partner and your friends can walk all over you. They can borrow money for imaginary medical issues, and they can convince you that spending the weekend with their ex is a business trip. They can be disrespectful of your property, your feelings and your time, because they know you will believe whatever they tell you, and forgive them if they get caught in some drama. If you feel like a doormat, it could be that you're just too trusting.
7. You Have A Ton Of Regrets
Do you look back on all your relationships and curl up into the fetal position? People who are too trusting get taken advantage of a lot, and hey can be magnets for people who would abuse their good nature. If you can look back on your relationship history, and see too many examples of the ways you were screwed over, it could be that the common denominator is you.
It's a balancing act between being open and honest, and being protective of yourself and your heart. The key word is balance.
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