There are plenty of skeletons in a Millennial's proverbial (or literal) closet when it comes to fashion and beauty. Those of us who grew up fostering a deep respect for Girl Power, crop tops, and baggy pants have a healthy dose of nostalgia for '90s fashion and beauty styles that our predecessors scoffed and which future generations will definitely scoff at. And if we're being honest with ourselves, we can probably admit that a lot of the looks we cling to are pretty bad. I mean, seriously, who is responsible for starting the whole butterfly hair clip trend, and why was that allowed to snowball so wildly out of control?
Even after years of defending some of the stranger fashion and beauty trends of our youths, many of us still cling to the hope that we'll be able to bust out the pair of JNCO jeans we've had stashed away in the back of our closets, if only for a night of revelry with like-minded it-girls of old. Or maybe, just maybe, there will be a revival of Lisa Frank products that will make galactic metallic animal prints trendy again. Well, here's to those secret dreams! May your nostalgia be quenched as you look back on this list of Millennial soft spots.
1. Slap Bracelets
They're wacky! They're wild! They slap on your wrist in such a strange, satisfying way that you might just question whether you're a masochist.
2. Metallic Animal Print
That's right, metallic animal print. It's the stuff dreams are made of: Really trippy, Lisa-Frank-style dreams of unicorns leaping through uncharted galaxies with wide-eyed panda bears. This pattern is somehow reminiscent of a strange drug-induced state, Saved By The Bell, school pictures, and New Kids On The Block, all at the same time.
3. Butterfly Hair Clips
'90s Hair Clips, $12, Amazon
Look, butterflies are cute. Hair clips are cute, and sometimes convenient. Together, they combine to equal hours of frustration, lots of fly-away hair strands, and if you're really lucky, a strange sunburn on your scalp between hair sections.
4. Chunky Platform Boots
Kidding! These platform boots are the jam. Seriously, it's taking most of my willpower not to purchase this pair right now.
That being said, with certain pants, they did kind of look like clown shoes. And for some people, that fits squarely into the category of terrible.
5. Giant Baggy Pants
JNCO jeans: The garment that baffled millions of parents and grandparents alike. But it thrilled the rest of us! Deep down, we knew that the only thing more fly than these jeans was a well-worn pair of colored goggles, or a sweet beanie, or perhaps the perfect oversized, long-sleeved, V-neck, rainbow-striped knit shirt.
C'mon, scrunchies are not cool. They never were. Why do we still like these things? Seriously, no more scrunchies.
7. KANDI Bracelets
Rave Kandi Bracelets, $1, etsy.com
Whether you were a true raver or just a wannabe Candy Kid, you likely adopted the vibrant, chunky style of a bunch of your little sister's craft beads strung together in a wacky succession. It's an accessory that will forever walk the line between being adorable and kind of tacky.
8. Track Suits
Thanks for laying some solid groundwork here, Sporty Spice. I'm not sure that we'll ever recover from your casual spin on, well, everything.
9. Chunky Ball Chain Chokers
What was so terrible about these again? OK, so there's a flaw in this list. Clearly, this perfectly alternative, totally chill necklace doesn't deserve to be here. And speaking of ball chain chokers, where did mine go, anyway?
10. Jelly Sandals
Look, jellies are all fine and good in theory. But have you ever tried walking in them mid-summer for an entire day? Of course you have. And what's more, you're probably acutely aware of how gross and sweaty they can get — or worse, how blister-inducing they can be. I'm sorry, jellies, but you are a terrible idea.
11. Halter Tops And Bandana Tops
What says summer fun like a halter top? Nothing, I tell ya! And add fringe to it? Millennial fashion weak spot alert. Sure, it makes no sense. But look at how it blows in the breeze and swings when you dance! (Because we're clearly fans of channeling our inner flappers.)
12. Dr. Pepper Lip Smacker
Love it or hate it, you know that novelty Lip Smackers were all the rage back in the day.
13. Body Glitter Spray
I don't know about you, but I spent a few summers wanting nothing more than to wear shimmer on every inch of skin I had showing. Shimmer tummy! Shimmer neck! Shimmer arms! Shimmer face? Of course!
14. Teen Spirit
Did Nirvana make Teen Spirit a big deal, or did Teen Spirit make Nirvana a big deal? (That's an absurd question, c'mon.)
15. Tattoo Chokers
As far as chokers go, these were some of the most popular. They were also the cheapest, the easiest to stretch out or otherwise destroy, and the most likely to get caught on something less than convenient (like your hair, every single day).
With so many great (or greatly disappointing, but still somehow precious) '90s fashion and beauty trends. It's a miracle that we Millennials have been able to move forward at all. How can skinny jeans and airy, lightweight rompers even compare?
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Images: Fotolia; Courtesy Brands