9 Things Mansplainers Do That Are The Literal Worst & The Samantha Bee Gifs To Shut 'Em Down
From couch space to the government, certain men like to impose institutional privilege over stuff. When the English language is involved, this particular phenomenon is called mansplaining. Subjects range from the economy, football, Star Wars, and many other things, but there are certain things mansplainers do when they start to condescendingly ramble. In all situations, it's unequivocally the worst.
How come it's the worst? Mansplaining basically ignores to the fact that you, a WOMAN (good heavens!), have a fully functional brain and can understand things without them being explained to you in simplest of terms. Rolling your eyes, shrugging it away, and writing the person off as a neanderthal is always a solution. But sometimes, confrontation is fun! Laying out a cutting comeback to such misogynist monkeyshines isn't just an amazing rush of adrenaline. It's also a feminist act. Check a dude when he talks down to you, and you're doing your part to stop the cycle of mansplaining for you and your fellow sisters.
There are few people who are better at shutting down sexist rhetoric than feminist comedy ninja Samantha Bee. With that in mind, we're running down the most annoying things that mansplain-y dudes do. For more patriarchy-skewering comedy, catch Full Frontal With Samantha Bee, Mondays at 10:30 E.T. / 9:30 C.T. on TBS.
This post is sponsored by Full Frontal With Samantha Bee.
1. Just Straight-Up Interrupting You
There you'll be, in the middle of a perfectly good explanation of your opinion, and some Jabroni will just steamroll your thought. Eff this guy.
How to shut it down: To be diplomatic, you can rely on the relatively polite "Excuse me, I was speaking..." You can also show him the same respect he showed you. Pull out your phone, and drown him out with audio of a bunch of screeching monkeys.
2. "I Think What She Means To say Is..."
Almost worse than the guy who talks over you is the guy who tries to speak for you. This wolf in sheep's clothing wants to appear to be helping you out. In reality, he believes your lady brain can't adequately process things with all that Estrogen swirling around.
How to shut it down: Make it very clear that he doesn't understand your point, and if he tries to talk for you again, you will END him.
3. Starting Sentences With Your Name
Some people do this to show that they're paying special attention to you. Others who do it, mansplainers in particular, just sound patronizing — like a Kindergarten teacher telling a five-year-old that the play-doh they just consumed isn't for eating.
How to shut it down: If you catch some bro pulling this on you, just tell them that they've actually gotten your name wrong. Nothing mortifies a smug human male more than being factually incorrect.
4. Smug Terms Of Endearment
Are you working at a Madison Avenue advertising agency in 1963? No. So he can't call you sweetheart, doll face, or sugar pie like it was Mad Men times.
How to shut it down: Just explicitly tell him that you only respond to nicknames like, "warrior princess," "almighty witch queen" or "supreme duchess of getting shit done."
5. Explaining Pop Culture
From nerd epics (LOTR, Star Wars , anything from The Marvel Universe), to ganster flicks (The Godfather, Goodfellas, The Sopranos), and of course sports, certain dudes feel it necessary to take it upon themselves to explain these traditionally "dude" genres of entertainment.
How to shut it down: Feel free to be as sarcastic as you like, saying something like "NO WAY! I had NO clue that men had a premium on nerd culture or the Italian American film canon." Follow it up by telling him that if he disrespects you in such a way ever agin, he'll end up like Joe Pesci in Casino.
6. Giving Unsolicited Advice
Whether you're using the weight machine at the gym, or setting up your stereo system, the mansplainer is constantly lurking — ready to tell you that you're doing it wrong. Even, in most occasions, when you're doing it right.
How to shut it down: Let him try things his way, and naturally embarrass himself with the folly of his wrongness. Then, simply, procure a mic, and drop it right in his face.
7. Saying "Its A Guy Thing. You'll Just Find It Boring..."
The oldest mansplainer trick in the book is this line: "It's sort of a dude thing. You probably wouldn't get it"
How to shut it down: Prove you already know more about said topic than he already does. Even if you don't, just fake your knowledge with the confidence of a heterosexual white man.
8. Ganging Up On You
Fragile masculinity finds strength in numbers, so you can depend on a mansplainer recruiting other mansplainers in his 'splaining efforts. He'll grab some random guy, and be all — "Jerry knows what I'm talking about!" The guy will be like — "It's actually Hank, but sure! What do I know about?"
How to shut it down: Literally, take your hands and spread them jellyfish-style over both of their faces. They won't know how to handle it, and will hence, quiet the eff down.
They spread on plains, trains, automobiles — anywhere that ideological phallocentrism is tacitly accepted. They need all that subway space for their massively average-sized penises, you see?!?!
How to shut it down: Get your own spread on. Ways of doing this include: explicitly telling him to take up less space, spreading your legs unnecessarily far to force his knees to take up less space, or full-on laying down on the floor, making a snow angel, and yelling "SEE THIS SPACE?! I OWN IT!! IT'S ALL MINE!!!"