She's Too Popular To Have A Birthday Party

by Christine DiStasio

I mean, obviously everyone wants to be invited to Oprah Winfrey's 60th birthday bash — she's Oprah. But unfortunately, being one of the most loved media moguls in the world apparently makes planning a party extremely difficult. According to E!, Oprah had to cancel her birthday celebration because "the guest list was getting out of control." So basically, the talk show host and all-around inspirational and fabulous human being has too many friends and colleagues that love her and want to celebrate her birth to be able to throw a party. Seems like a pretty great problem to have, huh? No, it isn't.

Before we start to get jealous that Oprah Winfrey is so great and amazing that she has so many more friends than we do, let's take a moment to think about the bind she's in.

Planning a party is never easy — I don't care who you are, that's the truth. So, when hundreds of people want to attend, some of which require high-security measures (we're looking at you Obamas), shit can really hit the fan. And Oprah's just not trying to deal with that.

Here are 5 reasons why Oprah's "Too Many Friends" problem is a real problem:

Think About All Of Those Thank-You Cards

And you know that Oprah is going to handwrite all of that shit because she's not only a media mogul and inspiration to women, but you'd better believe that she's got amazing etiquette. Even if she didn't handwrite them all with personalized messages, she'd definitely put a little "P.S." and sign them by hand if she did, in fact, use pre-printed ones. (Even then we'll assume that she typed the greeting and then had that printed.)

Writing thank-you cards is nice and relaxing for some people, but for Oprah Winfrey (let's not forget who we're talking about here) who has probably the busiest of all busy schedules — it'd take from now until eternity for her to find the time to write hundreds of thank-you cards. Just think about what a nightmare that would be.


Oprah can count the Obamas among her closest friends and they probably wouldn't miss her party, especially on a milestone birthday. Imagine how much security she'd need to employ for a party that includes hundreds of celebrities, politicians, and the POTUS and FLOTUS? A LOT OF SECURITY. And that's a lot of pressure for one person to deal with on their birthday.


With that many people — and all of them wanting to praise Oprah on her big day — it'd take the birthday girl the entire party, and then some, to mingle and chat with all of her guests. That's the farthest thing from intimate and she absolutely wouldn't get to spend enough time with her inner circle AND she'd definitely have no time to dance and actually celebrate. Where's the fun in that? The party would have to be a week long to allot enough time to eat, drink, dance, be merry, and socialize — we all know Oprah has no time for that.

Think About All Of Those Present Fails

Sure, she's Oprah Winfrey and she'll probably urge guests to donate to one of her charities instead of giving her a gift because she's an angel — but we all know some people won't acknowledge that request, or they will and just buy a gift anyway. Her friend Gayle King absolutely intends to buy Oprah a gift, whether she wants it or not. King told E! , "It's not like Oprah needs anything, but she loves all things, books… and she's a fan of cashmere. She has everything, but I don't care who you are, everybody likes a present." What do you get for the woman who has everything? Probably something she already owns and will later have to return — and again, Oprah has no time for that.

So Many Possible No-Shows

Imagine Oprah going through all of the stress of prepping for a party for 600+ guests to only have some of them show up? I know, you're wondering who would ever turn down an Oprah Winfrey invite. Julia Roberts' kids could get sick and she'd have to stay home and care for them or Tom Cruise could have to perform an important Scientology ritual at the last minute. Lots of important, famous friends makes for lots of last minute flaking-out. And Oprah might be angelic, but on your birthday, that's enough to piss anyone off.

Images: Tumblr, PerezHilton