New Yorkers Confess The Craziest Places They've Had Sex
I've long suspected that beds don't actually have a monopoly on where people have sex, even though the sexually active population tends to be hush-hush about their alternative spots of choice. Driven by suspicion that this lack of admission is a product of a mass mattress industry conspiracy in addition to my own ambition to stray from the pillow-topped horizontal comforts of my bed, I decided that the only course of action was to ask friends and strangers alike to reveal the craziest places they've had sex.
Inspired by Comedy Central's new show Not Safe With Nikki Glaser , I armed myself with a white board, a (sexy) red marker, and a camera to challenge New Yorkers to reveal the notable times they've banged outside the confines of the bed. My mission was noble: if people only knew that their classmate has made sweet love in an inflatable bouncy castle or that their dentist has dedicated themselves to christening each and every dental chair, they might just get out of bed and awaken to the sexual playground around them.
I hope the confessions below will inspire you to get out there and f*ck in places you've only dreamed of. And if you're in need of more #SexGoals or merely want the self-assurance that everyone around you is just as depraved as yourself, make sure to catch Not Safe With Nikki Glaser, Tuesdays at 10:30/9:30c on Comedy Central or anytime on the CC app.
Each and everyday, tourists flock to Times Square to bask in the neon glow of half of our country's energy reserves and throw their cares aside. Caught up in the spirit of the Big Apple, natives and visitors alike displayed their sexual achievements with a smile.
On a feel-good note, even the mascots of Times Square get laid! And turns out that we should've been taking pictures with them this whole time because they use that tip money to strip off their fur suits and go wild in the luxurious privacy of a hotel. (PSA: More tips= "H"otel, less tips= "M"otel.)
This English bloke made the fair assumption that his brother would never happen upon an article in an American women's publication. But if proven wrong, he's likely to happen upon an upholstery cleaning bill.
An Undisclosed Office Building
This Manhattan doorman was very insistent that the victim of this act had it coming...which is why he was cumming in this man's closet as he was sleeping on the other side of the door. Since this was potentially an act of justice and said boyfriend is potentially dangerously vengeful, I provided the witness protection treatment.
The Museum Of Sex
Who would've guessed that the employees of the Museum of Sex's gift shop would be so forthcoming about their sex lives? And who knew that they could draw such realistic penises?
Expectedly, the land of "yes, and" did not disappoint. Thank you classmates for refusing to "block" my invasion of privacy and for giving me the dream that I too can one day say, "Yes, and I would like to have intercourse on this (hopefully dormant) volcano".
While two of my other fellow exhibitionists prefer to "raise the stakes" and "explore and heighten" their time at suburban strip malls.
Despite being added to an NYPD watchlist and found guilty of violating the code of conduct at a high-profile improv training center, I truly believe it was all worth it if my research improves even one person's sex life. Now get out there and check "high school gym mats" (I don't care if you're 42), "Chop't bathroom" (I don't care if it's not another Wednesday lunch break at your mid-level accounting job), and "under a bridge" (once again, I don't care if you're not a troll) off of your bucket list, you sexy risk-taker, you!
Images: Anna Parsons