Once a year, celebrities storm the court and play basketball with other celebrities and members of the NBA, and this year will be no different. If it sounds like I barely understand what I just said, then you must very observant indeed, but apparently this Valentine's Day, the NBA All Star Celebrity Game will take place, featuring stars like Nick Cannon and Kevin Hart on its teams. Now, what does this mean? The All-Star Celebrity Game has been a feature of the NBA's All Star Weekend since 2003, and is known to feature famous people from all walks of life, be they musicians, actors, politicians or athletes from other sports. The only thing that could make me commit to watching basketball is if Blake Griffin starts playing completely naked, in every single game of the season. If this is an option, please can someone from the NBA let me know immediately.
But, in relation to the celebrities-playing-basketball aspect of things, it's an event where the basketball fans of the celebrity-verse descend upon the basketball court to look ridiculous in basketball shorts as a group. Let this fashionista tell it to you straight, celebs: few people on this earth look good in basketball shorts, and every single one of them is a professional basketball player. You would think the game was played for charity but as far as I can tell, it isn't. It's just famous people making lay-ups on other famous people, and Kevin Hart, running his teeny ass around the court doing... something. Yup.
It's like normal basketball, but with less talent, for very short people. The audience gets to send in votes for who they think the MVP is, which alters this further into some weird Dancing With The Stars version of basketball where our opinion even remotely matters. Kevin Hart has won the title the last two years in a row, and I'm blindly assuming this is out of pity for his awkward, sporty-capri issue he has when wearing basketball shorts. Also, the U.S. Secretary of Education, Arne Wilson will be playing this year, so let's all hold our breath for him to be a poor addition to one of the teams since hellloooo, since when do politicians play ball.
There was a glorious three year period in which Donald Faison participated in these games, and for one of them, Paris Hilton and P. Diddy were the head coaches. Paris also attended in 2004 with then-boyfriend Nick Carter. Never forget. Let's just have a moment of silence for the fact that we missed that one. Also Justin Bieber played in the 2011 All Star Celebrity game, here's to betting that he made the Secretary of Education's game look NBA-worthy in comparison.
To sum what has been, in my completely unbiased opinion, a delightful discussion of sport, the NBA All-Star Celebrity Game is happening in Los Angeles on Feb 14. If you like basketball, watch it because you like basketball and if you don't, watch it so you can watch Kevin Hart slam dunking on the U.S Secretary of Education's face.