If your partner could put their deepest yearnings into words, there would be so much love. But also so many things your partner secretly wishes you would stop doing. And not in an angry or controlling way, but in a pure, loving way. Because if anyone knows how amazing you are, it's the person you spend the bulk of your time with (well, besides your co-workers, who probably also think you're pretty amazing).
I'm not talking about trivial things, like forgetting to put the cap back on the toothpaste or putting the empty milk carton back in the fridge. I'm talking about the stuff that's really at the core of what makes you human. See, when you find the right partner, they can see all of your beauty and all of your imperfections and still know that there's a magic inside of you that you have not even begun to tap into.
I spent years working with both happy and miserable couples as a Domestic Violence Victim Advocate and a Planned Parenthood Certified Responsible Sexuality Educator. And, believe it or not, a lot of couples really did suffer from the strain of one partner who did not realize their worth. Who always found a way to dim their own light. If your partner could tell you what they secretly wished you would stop doing, I guarantee that much of what they wished for would be for you to see yourself the way they saw you. They'd probably also wish for you to stop doing the following.
1. Trying To Be Someone Worth Loving
Your partner loves you. Your partner doesn't think you should be someone else. The love your partner has for you isn't wrapped in thoughts of "I could love them more if they had smaller thighs" or "I could love them more if they were a little more together." Your partner wants you to stop trying to be someone worth loving. Your partner wants you to stop thinking they deserve a better version of you. Your partner wants you to learn to be comfortable in your own skin, and to be comfortable in the fact that you are loved exactly as you are.
2. Trying To Be A Porn Star
Your partner loves your body, and loves entwining their body with yours. Your partner wants you to stop focusing so hard on pleasing them, on what you look like, on what you smell like, on where you have hair, on if you're doing a good job. Instead, your partner wants you to be present in the moment. Wants you to focus on your pleasure, equally. Wants you to create something beautiful with your bodies that has nothing to do with how they look.
3. Living From A Place Of Deficit
Your partner wants you to enjoy the act of living. They don't want you to look at your life and constantly feel behind. To place a score on your day (or a value on your life) based on how many dishes you didn't do, how much laundry you'll never finish. How many things you'll never be able to buy. Your partner wants you to have goals, yes, but wants you to be able to enjoy every stop in your process.
4. Comparing Yourself To Others
Your partner picked you (and you picked them back) because you are magic. If they wanted someone else, they would pick someone else. Your partner wants you to understand that those people killing it on the Internet are showing you one shining (and often staged) moment of an otherwise regular life. You have your shining moments, too.
5. Forgetting Your Joy
There will always be bills, deaths in the family, pets that need vaccines, co-workers who make you want to jump out of windows, and common colds (probably the worst of the bunch). But there's also so much joy. Your partner wants you to get out of your head for a moment and stop missing out on the joy that's right in front of you. You are in love. You are probably living indoors and you're probably well fed. Life is often good. Your partner wants you to live in your joy, not your worries.
6. Basing Your Value On Your Appearance
Every human being on this planet is beautiful. That includes you. Your partner thinks you're the most beautiful thing to ever live, and wishes you would believe that. Your partner knows that there are a handful of people who have won the genetic lottery, and that we all feel pressure to live up to that, but your partner wants you to know that they see your beauty. That it overflows. That you'd have to be dead to miss it.
7. Thinking They're Going To Leave
Your partner wishes you would stop worrying that you're going to lose their love. Not only because they have no plans to leave you, but because of they did, you'd be just fine. You'd rally, find new love, make the most of your pain, and use those lessons to make your stronger. Because you are not defined by your partner, not are you dependent on them. But also because they'd be crazy to leave you.
These are the messages hidden in your partner's heartbeats, and they're all about how loved and phenomenal you are, even when you think you're at your worst.
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