Here's The Secret To Building Intimacy

by Kristine Fellizar

When it comes to intimacy, touch is obviously very important. In fact, as a recent survey from K-Y and The Kinsey Institute found, just about nine in 10 couples believe touch is “very” or “extremely important” in building intimacy. Unfortunately, one in three people say they’re not being touched enough. As part of the launch for the new K-Y Touch, a two-in-one massage crème and pleasure gel, the brand partnered with The Kinsey Institute to bring you The Touch Initiative, an initiative committed to bringing you a better understanding of “the power of touch in relationships.” Because according to them, America is in the middle of a touch crisis.

The Touch Initiative, which surveyed over 1,000 adult men and women, found that 86 percent of couples who touched intimately more than once a day were more likely to be very or extremely satisfied in their relationships than 72 percent of the general population. Regular touching during sex was found to be extremely important in showing the difference between couples “truly connecting” or just having sex. The survey even found that 74 percent of people prefer to touch their partners while talking, rather than just talking without touching.

When it comes to touching, knowing where to touch is essential. It may come as no surprise, but the number one place where couples said they liked to be touched is the genitals (51 percent), followed by the neck (45 percent), hands (45 percent), face (44 percent), breasts/chest (36 percent), and lower back (36 percent).

As far as no-go places? 46 percent of couples say they don’t like to be touched in the armpits, 37 percent said to stay away from the feet, and 22 percent said they didn’t want to be touched on their belly or ears.

So, touch is obviously important. But what are the best ways to do it? Here are three ways to add more touch in your relationships, from sex and intimacy expert, Dr. Laura Berman.

1. Turn Simple Touches Into Memorable Ones

When it comes to kisses, quick pecks are fine. Most of us do it and they’re a decent way to show some PDA without grossing out strangers. But quick pecks don’t exactly get the libido going. According to Dr. Berman, “the quickest way to make your kisses sizzle is by getting hands on. Wrap you hands around your partner’s waist, or stroke their face with your hand.”

Another way to touch your partner is to play with their hair. According to Dr. Berman, the scalp contains thousands of tiny nerve endings that can feel arousing when stimulated. So, give your partner a scalp massage, offer to wash their hair in the bathtub, or even casually stroke their hair as your sitting on the couch watching Netflix.

In short, don’t afraid to use your hands and explore.

2. Enjoy Sensate Focus

What is that exactly? Well, according to Berman, “this is a technique in which you explore each other’s bodies without the expectation of intercourse.” As in, you get naked with your partner and take sex completely off the table. While we like to think an orgasm is the endgame to every naked experience with a partner, that's not the end game here. It's all about touch. Touch each other from head to toe with the sole intention of communicating love and connection. “You will be amazed at how erotic and emotionally connecting this kind of touch will be,” Berman writes.

3. Cuddle Naked

Cuddling is a great way to feel connected to another person with your clothes on. But imagine doing it without any clothes. According to Berman, “your skin contains millions of nerve endings that are begging to be stroked.” So, get naked, get under the sheets, and cuddle. If one thing leads to another, then go for it. It’s all about touch, after all.

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