Kim Jong-un's Uncle Wasn’t Eaten Alive By Dogs, North Korean Official Says

In what’s believed to be the first-ever English-language interview with a DPRK official, North Korea’s ambassador to the United Kingdom claimed Friday that President Kim Jong-un’s uncle was not, as had been previously reported, executed by a pack of dogs that ate him alive. Oh, Jang Song Thaek was executed all right, but according to Hyun Hak-bong, it was by gun, not by dog. So, that’s a relief.

"According to the laws by the criminal court he was sentenced to death,” Hyun told Sky News. “Well, he was shot to death."

Jang was one of the highest-ranking North Korean officials when his nephew decided, for whatever reason, that he needed to go. The regime claimed he was executed for treason and crimes against the state, referring to him as “despicable human scum” who “perpetrated thrice-cursed acts of treachery and betrayal;” then again, official statements from the North Korean government aren’t exactly the gold standard of reliability. Outside observers have suggested that he may have been trying to wrestle power from Kim, while South Korean intelligence suspects it had something to do with Jang’s extensive business dealings.

Hyun echoed the official government talking points today, saying that Jang was guilty of “lots of crimes,” including “anti-party, anti-government crimes.” He also said that Jang “abused his power in hindering the national economy,” although given the state of North Korea’s economy, it’s hard to imagine how Jang could have possibly made things any worse than they are. Maybe Dennis Rodman can get some answers next time he pays his buddy Kim a visit.