6 Reasons To Have A Kickass One-Night Stand Tonight. Or Today. ASAP, Really.

A quick reminder: you never need an excuse to have a one-night stand. Really, you don't. Hot, sweaty, decidedly unfamiliar, potentially weird, orgasm-inducing — or just as likely, fake-orgasm-inducing — sex with a stranger is your right and privilege as a single lady, lady! Or even as a lady in an enviably permissive relationship (P.S. props).

So, no, you don't need the slideshow of get-some excuses I'm about to drop for you — but if it gets you out of the house, why the hell not, right? Click through for six unnecessary but utterly valid reasons to go forth and have a one-nighter IMMEDIATELY, if not sooner.

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by Rebecca Santiago

You look really, really cute today.

Like, really cute! Like, “So you agree. You think you’re really pretty” cute! Like you just showered for the first time in several days (sorry, it’s winter, dry shampoo is great, deal with it), and you’re having a really good boob day cute! You are so cute that a stranger might have to go down on you for, like, half an hour so he won’t be blinded by the sunlike cuteness that is you today.

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It's preposterously easy to seduce someone. editor Emily McCombs changed my perspective on life and banging when she pointed out that it’s actually pathetically easy to get laid. (I can’t find the story I have in mind, but she sort of reiterates that idea here.) Finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? Tricky. Getting some D (or V, or whatever you like) tonight? Easy. Why? Because you look really, really cute today.

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Work was lame today; you didn't have any sex there at all!

Have you noticed how little sex you tend to have at work? You spend literally five days there a week, and nothing, not even a nuzzle! Your 9-to-5 would be so much more fun tomorrow if you had a spine-tinglingly sultry one-night stand to fantasize about, promise. The spreadsheets can wait five…ten…minutes.

Image: Getty

It's between sex with a stranger and, like, chores.

Sure, I guess you could stay in and do laundry tonight. You could also go to a bar and take pickleback shots with someone really hot and really dumb who doesn’t know the first thing about world news, but, as you will later discover, does happen to know quite a bit about acrobatic sex. Equally productive pursuits, in my book.

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Sex makes you smarter! And healthier! And happier! Et cetera!

I have a lot of Google Alerts about sex. I’m talking sex studies, sex myths, sex apps, sex disasters — my inbox is a Showtime pilot in the making. Do you know how many of those alerts announce, a bit smugly, that sex makes you happier, healthier, and smarter? So many alerts. If you don’t believe me or them, just look at George. It’s clear that he’s getting some and living well, right?

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It's Saturday, and it's 7:37 p.m. somewhere.

It’s 7:36 p.m. on a Saturday?! QUICK! Get your bone on, FAST! That way, you can sync up with all of the people getting it on at precisely 7:37 p.m. this Saturday night, since that’s the most popular time for sexing. Although, actually, the story I just linked to is from a British paper, which means that their 7:37 p.m. is 2:37 p.m. EST, 1:37 p.m. CST, 11:37 a.m. PST… Basically, if it’s a :37 on a Saturday, it’s business time. Get to it!

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