If Abortion Access Were Like Tech Support

You know what's annoying? Trying to deal with tech support. You know what's worse? The elaborate hoops a woman has to jump through in order to obtain an abortion. So: What if tech support were like trying to obtain an abortion? This hilarious, anxiety-provoking comedy sketch from the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) asks that question, and illuminates a lot more than you'd expect.

The ACLU's video was created in response to a landmark abortion case the Supreme Court is slated to hear this week: Whole Women's Health v. Hellerstedt. In 2013, a Texas law, H.B. 2, was introduced, which imposed two new restrictions on any facility providing abortion services. First, the clinic must meet all "ambulatory surgical center" (ASC) standards, which require a sterile operating field and elaborate surgical facilities (the standards are intended for facilities performing low-risk surgeries outside of hospitals). Second, any doctor providing the abortion must have admitting privileges to a hospital within 30 miles of the facility. These new requirements, if enforced, would effectively close every free-standing abortion clinic in the state — which is all the more ridiculous when you consider the fact that most abortions aren't surgical, anyway.

Should the Supreme Court uphold the lower court's ruling, over 1 million Texan women will be forced to travel at least 150 miles and wait up to three weeks to obtain an abortion. 34 of the state's 40 abortion providers will close. Only Texas' four major cities will house the six facilities who can legally assist a woman in making decisions about her own body.

All of this is especially cool considering Texas is larger than the country of France and contains the United States' largest rural population. Really rad, guys. Awesome job infringing on a woman's right to choose. Right on.

And by "cool," "rad," and "awesome," I mean that all of this is the exact opposite of cool, rad, and awesome. It is terrible.

With their video "What Tech Support From Hell Has in Common with Abortion Access," the ACLU manages to bring some humor into this honestly horrible situation. So what if tech support were like trying to obtain an abortion? Let's find out what that might look like.

1. Your Rights as a "Female Computer User" Are Regulated by State Law


2. You're Forced to Listen to a "Government-Mandated Recording" from Your State Representative Before You Can Receive Tech Support

During which they say a lot of fear-mongering non-facts and personal opinions.

3. Your Wait Time for Tech Support Is: 72. Hours.

Don't worry, you'll have a lot of time for fun activities like Netflix bingeing, learning French — but your phone is staying glued to your ear. Because that tech problem is not going away, just like, you know, other problems aren't just going to "go away." Like an unwanted pregnancy.

4. Oh, and Your Nearest Service Center Is 147 Miles Away

Lucky you!

5. Also, You Have to Go in Person to the Service Center Twice Before Getting Your Problem Resolved

You know, that service center that's 147 miles away.

Check out the full video below:

Images: ACLU/YouTube (6); Giphy