Whenever I look back on my all-time favorite girl power show Buffy the Vampire Slayer , I think to myself, “God, isn’t that series just timeless?” Very quickly thereafter I actually, you know, look back to the show and realize that it is also a total portrait of the turn-of-the-millenium. It’s not even just dated, it’s carbondated. And while this is evident throughout the course of the show, it goes without saying that Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s first season is especially outdated (I guess I said it anyway, tho).
How do I know? I got it off the ‘net...flix, obviously. That is to say, I bravely went back into the belly of the beast and collected some of the more retro elements from the first few episodes. Between the Buffster’s mountain of peak ‘90s outfits to the entire existence of “I Robot, You Jane,” there was a lot of things that worked against Buffy’s timelessness. Still, doesn’t it just make you feel all nostalgic for a simpler time when computers were bulky and demons would randomly pop out of them? Only ‘90s kids remember!
Anyway, I won’t keep you. For your consideration, here are 18 delightfully and hilariously outdated things from Season 1 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
1. James Spader?
By this point, Spader was known more for his Brat Pack moment in 1987's Pretty In Pink. His career is still viable today, but the modern teenage girl probably doesn't need a call from, you know, the voice of Ultron.
2. These Caterpillar-Esque Hairties
They weren't quite a scrunchie, but they had a very obvious buoyancy to them.
3. Pale Lavender Eyeshadow
They're not quite the frosted lids of later seasons... still oh so '90s, though.
4. Computers With Those Thick Backs
Remember when Macbook Airs were things in, like, futuristic sci-fi shows?
5. This Vampire's Nick Carter Haircut
Or is it more of a Leo DiCaprio circa Titanic look?
6. Everyone's Shirts Here
Xander's button-ups always, but Buffy's weird tie-dye thing was ripped right out of a dELiA*s catalog.
7. Xander's Locker Aesthetic
It just looks like an Offspring music video in there.
8. Trying To Argue For Modern Ways Because It's The '90s
Sometimes my parents will call me and ask why I'm out so late and I'll use this argument, I guess it's just awkward because it's 2016.
9. Also: Beepers
"Oooh, it looks like Giles is calling, there might be a demon trying to open up the Hellmouth, let me just get to a pay phone real quick and see."
10. This Necktie Which Was Probably Outdated Even Then
Maybe Sarah Michelle Gellar was prepping for her other iconic role as Scooby-Doo's Daphne Blake here?
11. Every Inch Of Buffy's Outfit Here, OMG
No part of this, from the babydoll tee, to the misplaced beanie, to the miniskirt, to the knee high boots. None of this works now, and I'm frightened to think that any of it would've worked then.
12. But Especially The Letter Bead Necklace
Do you prefer bootleg Baby Spice or '90s raver?
13. Joining People In The 20th Century
You should do, it Giles, this is the '90s.
14. That Little Circular Webcam, If That IS A Webcam
Remember when they weren't built into computers?
15. This Interface
I mean, the ancient demon writing makes it look especially archaic, to be fair.
16. Miss Calendar's Crimped Hair-Do
She's not like a regular teacher, OK? She's a cool teacher.
17. Getting E-Mail From Somewhere That Is Not Gmail
Although weirdness points for the fact that this isn't AOL.
18. And Finally, THIS LAPTOP
It's like four times the size of your iPhone with almost none of the capabilities (actually, maybe you can type things).
This skims the surface for now, but feel free to dive into the totally modern later seasons sometime... things really get futuristic once the flip phones come into play.
Images: 20th Century Fox Television (19)