Lady Gaga Admits Depression & Eating Disorder in a Poignant Way
This isn't the first time that Lady Gaga has spoken out about her serious battles with anorexia, bulimia, and depression. When she was slammed in 2012 for gaining weight, Gaga posted a picture of herself in a bra and underwear with the caption, “Bulimia and anorexia since I was 15.” She admitted to being depressed once she finished her album in November last year, and was upset she was now going to perform and not create. However, in a new interview with Harpers Bazaar , Lady Gaga addressed how much she's grown from pain in her past.
The "Applause" singer was asked what's something she's better at now than when she was younger, and revealed that she's in a healthier place.
I am better with food. I don't have an eating disorder anymore. I'm also better at not letting people take advantage of me. Five years ago, when I spotted someone with a hidden agenda, I allowed them to stay around me. I didn't want to believe it, Gaga says. I thought if I ignored it, then they would eventually see me again—that I'm a human being and not a doll. But it doesn't work that way. I speak up now.
I realized that it's my own fault that people take advantage. I should be around people who cherish my talents, my health, my time. I'm not a pawn for anyone's future business. I'm an artist. I deserve better than to be loyal to people who only believe in me because I make money.
By opening up about her eating disorder, Gaga also signaled that she's far more in control of her body and therefore, herself as a whole, than she was a few years ago — which includes being depressed.
I became very depressed at the end of 2013. I was exhausted fighting people off. I couldn't even feel my own heartbeat. I was angry, cynical, and had this deep sadness like an anchor dragging everywhere I go. I just didn't feel like fighting anymore. I didn't feel like standing up for myself one more time—to one more person who lied to me. But January 1, I woke up, started crying again, and I looked in the mirror and said, "I know you don't want to fight. I know you think you can't, but you've done this before. I know it hurts, but you won't survive this depression." I really felt like I was dying—my light completely out.
However, she didn't let her depression define her, even though her feelings made it that much harder to reach for her strength. Gaga didn't say whether she sought professional help or not, but shed the excess baggage in her life and realized who she needed to keep around.
I said to myself, "Whatever is left in there, even just one light molecule, you will find it and make it multiply. You have to for you. You have to for your music. You have to for your fans and your family." Depression doesn't take away your talents—it just makes them harder to find. But I always find it. I learned that my sadness never destroyed what was great about me. You just have to go back to that greatness, find that one little light that's left. I'm lucky I found one little glimmer stored away.
That glimmer may have inspired what Gaga says she wants written on her gravestone: "She spread love with every invention."