7 Signs Your Relationship Might Be Doomed That You Need To Face ASAP
Relationships are a lot of work, and sometimes that work isn't worth it. There are signs that your relationship is doomed, and even if you don't want to face them, you're going to have to do something before things just get worse. As a former Domestic Violence Victim Advocate and Planned Parenthood Certified Responsible Sexuality Educator, I can tell you that doing nothing is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship. You have to face your problems head-on.
And there are some problems you probably should never try to fix, such as abuse. In those cases, it's often best to cut your losses and find a way to break free. If you're not dealing with abuse, and just suffering through some tough or unhealthy relationship stuff, your options are to either try to work it out, or to move on. I'm all for working it, if you're both invested in doing that work, but I'm also a firm believer in knowing when it's time to say goodbye. If someone's not good for you, and if a relationship is not working, often times the best thing to do isn't to drag things out. It's to cut the cord. If any of these signs your relationship is doomed are happening, you might be in the position to cut the cord. It's tough, but remember, you deserve happiness and respect, and you shouldn't settle until you get it.
1. All You Do Is Fight
Fighting is normal in a relationship, and it can be a healthy way to resolve conflict. But if all you do is fight, it might be a sign that the end is nigh. Healthy fighting usually happens when there's a specific issue at hand that has gone on too long without being resolved. Unhealthy fighting is when you're constantly snapping at each other about the little things, and turning everyday moments into huge arguments. That usually stems from unhappiness and resentment, and if you don't sort out those core issues, you'll self-destruct in no time.
2. You Have No Trust
No matter what you see on TV, you can't expect your partner to never hang out without you, never have friends of a certain gender, not go to certain places, or check in every three seconds. You have to trust that your partner will remain faithful, honest, and true in all situations. You can't babysit. If you can't develop real trust, you'll spend your whole relationship trying to control someone or being controlled. It's not a good thing. No trust, no relationship.
3. Jealousy Is Out Of Hand
Jealousy goes hand-in-hand with trust, but when it becomes unhealthy is when it comes with a side of control. You can't control who your partner sees, where they go, what they wear, or who they talk to because you're jealous. If you feel the need to do that, it's more likely that you have deep-seated insecurities than that your partner is always inches from stepping out on you. Either way, it does not make for a healthy, long-lasting partnership.
4. You Never Fight
Believe it or not, if you never fight, your relationship might be in trouble, as well. Never fighting could be a sign that you're not good at communicating when things upset you. Things build up and turn into resentments that sour the relationship. You can't be afraid to have hard conversations and to argue (respectfully) about things you disagree on.
5. You Want Different Things
Wanting different things isn't always a relationship killer. Sometimes compromises happen that make all sides happy. But when you both want such radically different things that there's no way to compromise, either someone loses, or the relationship goes south. It's a matter of priorities, goals, and mutual decision making, and no one can tell you but you (and maybe a trusted therapist) if putting your wants an desires on hold is healthy or not, and if you'll have a life of regrets. It's OK, though, to choose your life and your goals over a relationship, if you feel it's best for you.
6. You Have Lingering Feeling For Someone Else
It's dishonest to be in a relationship with someone when you have strong feelings for someone else, but it happens. If you never deal with these feelings, they'll haunt you, and your partner will know something is up. If you're honest with your partner, and you have a strong relationship, you can sometimes work through these feelings, but sometimes the only thing you can do it be alone until you figure it out, or declare your love for this other person. It's not fair to keep someone one the back burner just in case.
7. You Lie All The Time
If you feel like you have to lie about how much money you spend, where you went, what you ate, and so on, then your relationship is not based on a foundation of trust. Either that, or your partner is controlling or mean, and you feel like you have to lie to keep the peace. Either way, this is a good sign that you need to face the reality that something isn't right. The only secrets you should have from your partner should be about surprise birthday parties.
If any or all of these situations are common in your relationship, you might have to swallow your grown up pill and leave your love behind for something healthier. Therapy works, and trust and communication can be learned, but you both have to be interested in doing that hard work. Otherwise, you're much better off saying good bye.