Initial encounters with someone you’re interested in romantically can feel really awkward — especially when you’re nervous and can’t figure out a thing to say. I’ve learned the best thing to do to keep the conversation going is to come up with questions to ask your love interest in advance of seeing them. Not that you need to come into the conversation with a handwritten list of questions (how weird would that be?), but simply prep them in your head for when you get that one-on-one time with him or her.
Experts say there are actually “right” questions to ask when you first meet up with your love interest. These questions can be helpful in creating attraction and a connection between you two, especially if the answers turn out to be favorable. I’ve definitely been in situations when I’ve asked the right questions but gotten answers that didn’t fully align to my lifestyle or values.
For now, let’s focus on questions that’ll make the conversation flow as openly and honestly as possible, and that can help build a solid connection. The questions discussed in this article will allow for more than a “yes” or “no” answer, so you’ll be able to get to know this person a lot better, and understand whether or not they should continue to be a romantic interest of yours. Here are six questions to ask a love interest that create attraction & connection.
1. “What Are You Passionate About?”
First off, this an interesting thing to know about someone, so naturally you might be curious what his or her answer might be. Secondly, it can really help build that connection you’re striving for, especially if their answer is a compelling one that resonates with you. According to eHarmony.com, asking what your love interest is passionate about helps you get to the core of that person’s being.
For instance, if they say they’re passionate about spending time with their family and building their career — two things you, too, are passionate about — it could set a strong foundation. eHarmony.com suggested following this question up with other questions about how and why the person became enthralled in the specific areas they’ve mentioned.
2. “What’s Your Favorite Thing To Do On The Weekends?”
Aside from passions, another topic to hone in on to help create attraction and connection is hobbies. The Washington Post noted that discussing hobbies is vital to determining whether two people will click or not. The outlet cited a study that showed shared hobbies (along with physical traits, like height), had a larger influence on whether couples clicked than what they actually said to each other on dates. Basically, if you’re going to talk about anything, hobbies are of utmost importance to bring to the table.
3. “What Would Your Shark Tank Idea Be?”
Men’s Health spoke to various people who provided the outlet with the best first date question they’d ever received. An awesome one? A woman said someone once asked her what her Shark Tank idea would be. She enjoyed the question because she felt it was unexpected and a good way to get into someone’s head to see how their mind works. Even better — questions like this help keep the conversation open and interesting making way for an honest connection, according to Men’s Health.
4. “What’s Something You’re Bad At?”
According to Hello Giggles, a great way to spark attraction and connection is to let your guard down when speaking with your love interest. What better way to do this than by discussing things the two of you are not bad at. Horrible at math? Can't cook a single thing? Laugh about these things together. The outlet said the purpose isn’t to dwell on failures, but rather to be able to laugh at yourselves — a known attractive quality — and let the person in.
5. “What Do You Usually Do To Express Your Love For Someone?”
This feels like sort of a bold and strange question to ask, but bear with me. Just think of how important the answer is. According to a Psychology Today article by Randi Gunther, Ph. D, a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor, it’s good to determine how someone tends to show their love to make sure it aligns to how we want to have love expressed to us, and vice versa. If their answer aligns with your way of thinking — attraction and connection arise. If not, we can then take it as a warning sign that this person might not actually be our cup of tea. Gunther said “Open communication is never more important than in the ways love is expressed and experienced.”
Of course, the person could throw a lie at you like, “Oh, I enjoy bringing my loved one flowers on a random day,” when really that’s far from the truth, but when you do get an honest answer, it’ll feel great to know and be aware of, and can give you an insider’s view on this person.
6. “Where Is The Craziest Place You’ve Ever Had Sex?”
Yet another bold question, but go ahead and ask it. It’ll lighten up the conversation for sure, and will likely give you both a good laugh. Life coach Corey Wayne and brain behind UnderstandingRelationships.com suggested asking a question like this as a means of building attraction. According to Wayne, these types of questions will lead you two to share personal stories in a humorous way.
Now that you’re equipped with some questions to ask your love interest, you can confidently head into the conversation knowing you’ll have potential to come out the other side with an element of attraction and connection to that person. Take the liberty of mixing up and altering the questions as you see fit, remembering the bottom line is to be open, honest, and to let your guard down.