We Know You Gave Costas Pink Eye, Lauer

Where in the world is Matt Lauer? He just happens to be at the Sochi Olympics after Bob Costas just happened to get a debilitating eye infection. Lauer replaced Costas starting Tuesday after Costas' eye infection, likely pink eye, continued to get worse and spread to his other eye. Lauer will continue to serve as his replacement today and, while it's unknown now how long until Costas is back, pink eye can take one to two weeks to clear up. Lauer, of course, already knew this when he set out his master plan.

So, how'd ya do it, Lauer? Did you plant bacteria in his contacts case? Drop a secret substance onto his eyelids while he was sleeping? Rub your butt on his pillow Knocked Up style? Whatever he did, he's continuing to act like everything is totally normal and like he wants Costas to come back. When Costas joked that he would take over some of Lauer's TODAY show hosting duties, Lauer responded, “Deal. Let me say it again: ‘We’ll see you tomorrow’. Love you.” Yeah, sure, act like he'll be back tomorrow when we all know tomorrow will never come — at least not until about a week from now.

Costas, who has not missed an Olympic broadcast since 1988, said, "I was trying to throw a complete game here, but I think we’re going to have to go to the bullpen." He added about Lauer, "I don’t know if you’re aware of this or not, but you’re Mariano Rivera, at least tonight." In return Lauer has, conspirator that he is, pretended that he thinks Costas is the "the master of Olympic primetime" and said, "Right now, I'm walking around like Marco Polo. I have no idea where I am." Oh, you know where you are. You're exactly where you want to be.

While most of Lauer's insults were of the subtle variety and at times sounded exactly like compliments, he hinted at something a little more sinister when he described Costas as looking like the loser in a prize fight. Well, there's another theory. Perhaps it isn't pink eye at all! Matt Lauer punched Costas in the eye and then threatened him so he wouldn't tell the truth. You read it here first, folks.

Images: Getty Images; NBC Los Angeles/Twitter