'House of Cards' Season 2 Predictions: Every Crazy Thing We Think Will Happen

The first season of House of Cards was nothing short of astonishing. Frank Underwood became the anti-hero we all worshiped yet secretly hated, a Saruman to SanCorp's Sauron. Although binge-watching the entire season was as satisfying as Freddy's ribs, the season finale felt like the second rack in an early morning ribfest.

The teasers for Season 2 look equally delicious, and the second act of Frank and Claire's tragedy noir looks even more thirsty for vengeance than the first. Since Frank is always one step ahead, I decided to take a page from his prayer manual and give you the good, the bad, the obvious, and the shocking Season 2 predictions.

The Nemeses

First, the obvious. Zoe Barnes will realize that Frank has killed Peter Russo. She will try to take him down. The teaser trailers have already shown us Zoe's attempt to meet with Frank, where she can barely say the word "murder." Sadly, I don't think she will succeed. Zoe may be ruthless and willing to use her body to get ahead, but Frank is calculating and more ready than a boy scout. The duel between Frank and Zoe will make Alexandre Pushkin look like Walt Disney.

Although Zoe is the obvious choice for Frank's arch enemy, his wife Claire will also be taking him on. In one of the four teaser trailers released, we hear Claire's voice say distantly, "Now tell me, am I really the sort of enemy you want to make?" After that, Francis does one of his famous through-the-fourth-wall quips, and says, "I don't know whether to be proud or terrified." There is also a clip in another teaser of Frank burying his wedding ring...which could be symbolic, or, given his penchant for murdering, an omen of a lethal struggle with Claire. Even if Claire is brought down, she won't let Francis by without a fight. If Zoe is the devil we know, Claire will be the only devil who can bring Frank Underwood down. She's colder than he is, probably smarter than he is, and their clash will be titanic, to say the least. I honestly can't predict who will win, but Claire v. Frank will finally give us an evenly-matched competition.

The Politics

Obviously, Frank will be sworn in as Vice President this season. It was in the trailer, he was asked to be VPOUTS in last season's finale, and with all the killing and blackmailing he did, he deserves it. Let's move on, shall we?

It has also been teased that Frank's extracurricular corruption will be exposed. I have a feeling that this may have been played up in the trailers to pose the question of whether Frank will be discovered, since they show a jail and a TV news broadcast, each without Frank in them. However, he does monologue a bit about "exposure," so maybe Zoe will reveal some of his dirty tricks. If the good journalists at Slugline revealed everything Frank did and he stayed in office, the show would lose some credibility and all of its intrigue, which makes me think that Frank will still stand mostly in the shadows next season.

The most intriguing political quote from the trailer's so far is a woman's voice saying "What you're asking is just shy of treason." Even though treason is a tall order, this wasn't particularly shocking to me. Of the criminal offenses Frank could have been convicted of last season, murder, bribery, insider trading, and extortion are just the tip of the iceberg. The logical jump for Season 2 would be treason, although Frank does clarify that his actions are "just short" of that charge. I'm assuming that some sort of investigation will be launched this season, starting a satisfying game of cat-and-mouse with some sort of government regulatory agency.

The Sexy Sex

Now, I'm not going to pretend that Zoe and Frank are going to have gross power-hungry sexy times again, because they won't. Claire's lover Adam Galloway appears for a split second in the trailer, so it's safe to say that they rekindle their tryst, and perhaps Frank sees someone on the side to spite her. Or because he's bored. There's more extramarital sex in that relationship than there was at Versailles, so I doubt it will become any more exciting in the second season.

It's safe to say that a lot more humping-for-power will occur in this season as well. One particularly interesting clip from the trailer shows what may be Zoe making out with another brunette woman in bed. Perhaps we can hope that Zoe comes out this season, instead of dreading some sort of "isn't that hot" scene of female intimacy with men watching. However this season shakes out romantically, I'm sure that Francis and Claire probably won't be getting hot and heavy any time soon.

Now that you've heard my predictions, make some of your own and watch them come true this Valentine's Day. For there are two kinds of pain in this world: the pain of not knowing what Francis Underwood will do, and the pain of waiting for Netflix to show you him doing it.

Image: House of Cards/Netflix