10 Craig Mazin Quotes On Ted Cruz That Make The Senator Seem Even Worse
Internet trolls are the worst — unless they're trolling Ted Cruz. If there's one thing that Craig Mazin, screenwriter of second and third Hangover films, has taught us, it's that the only thing worse than living through a Cruz presidency would be actually living with Ted Cruz. Mazin would know. He was Cruz's freshman-year roommate at Princeton. Despite becoming a Hollywood success in his own right, Mazin often replays that troublesome year of tight spaces with the second-place GOP candidate. Just look at these 10 Craig Mazin quotes on Ted Cruz.
He still can't get over just how much he disliked Cruz, and lucky for us, there's this thing called Twitter — that's where Mazin's made most of his Cruz complaints. Mazin claims that Cruz was smelly, hit the snooze way too much, and was downright terrible back in their shared Princeton dorm room. But these are just some of his jabs during Mazin's ongoing Twitter crusade during the 2016 campaign.
Mazin's tweets know no bounds, making even the best attacks from Trump pale in comparison. "A little bit of a maniac," has nothing on "ex-roommate and way-far-right dipwad." See the anti-Cruz wordsmith at work.
1) "Nightmare Of A Human Being"
And, you know, I want to be clear, because Ted Cruz is a nightmare of a human being. I have plenty of problems with his politics, but truthfully, his personality is so awful that 99 percent of why I hate him is just his personality. If he agreed with me on every issue, I would hate him only 1 percent less.
Mazin's public disdain way before the presidential race. This is what he said about Cruz while speaking on the Scriptnotes podcast back in 2013.
2) Before The Senate
In fact, Mazin was tweeting about Cruz even before he was elected to the Senate. You can't say America wasn't warned.
3) Was Karl Marx A Satanist?
I remember very specifically that he had a book in Spanish and the title was Was Karl Marx a Satanist? And I thought, who is this person? Even in 1988, he was politically extreme in a way that was surprising to me.
This comes from a Daily Beast piece by Patricia Murphy on Cruz in August 2013. Less than a year into his first term as senator, Mazin began to speak out on Cruz's conservative views.
4) His "Creepy" Frosh Days
I would end up fielding the [girls'] complaints: "Could you please keep your roommate out of our hallway?"
Mazin and others claimed to Murphy that he used to wear a paisley bathrobe and cruise down to the women's side of the dorm.
5) Other Awkward Dorm Room Revelations
After news reports picked up Cruz's role in the Texas fight against legal dildos, denying the right "to stimulate one's genitals," Mazin had something to add.
6) Cruz — Even In The Senate — Is "Scary"
We should be afraid that someone like that has power.
Mazin told Murphy that some people might be afraid to speak out about a Senator, given their power and influence, but he said it's scarier that Cruz has so much power and influence.
7) There Was One Perk, Though
But what if Canada and other countries with good leaders have a really cool shindig without us, too?
8) He'd Be Consistent — Consistently Bad
Mazin claims that Cruz wouldn't be a good leader because he's exactly the same as he was in 1988, extremely stubborn with a focus on political ideology and rigidity in thinking.
9) Maybe Not All Hope Is Lost
If this is true, a coming Tuesday in November suddenly looks a lot less scary.
10) Phone Books Over Democracy
I would rather have anybody else be the president of the United States. Anyone. I would rather pick somebody from the phone book.
If the people were to go the wrong way and — dare I say it? — elect Ted Cruz this year, we can always take the Mazin option and confer with the White Pages.
If his Twitter gets a wide enough readership, we won't have to worry about that.