Look, I'm not one to derail the lyrical prowess of youngsters who obviously emote oh-so-eloquently, but I think it's time to break down Austin Mahone's brand new song "U," which he released as a Valentine's Day treat to all of his lady (and man) fans. This sexxxy midtempo jam (truly amping things up from a sexxxy slow jam, to clarify) is obviously dripping with critical moments of poeticism, that it would be hard not to wax analytical.
The seventeen year old pop star has teased the track to his fans via acoustic versions earlier, and has also performed it at concerts, so there may some familiarity for Mahomies, who were probably pretty psyched when he tweeted that it would be arriving on V-Day, since "it's only right" (you know, it's a love song and yesterday was that Hallmark day about love and sweet songs to sing to your high school sweetheart).
So it's here, folks, but before we start bumping and grinding to the soundzzz of this teenager's vocals, let's ask for a moment: what is this song in the absence of music? Like Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore told us back in 2007, you need music and lyrics, you know. (To read all of Mahone's, or anyone's, lyrics, if you, like me, want to sing along, AZ Lyrics is always a friendly pal to keep around.) Let's take a look at some of the most prominent lyrical moments in the song.
The song begins with Mahone telling said woman to turn the radio up. Or is he telling you, the listener, to turn up your radio 'cause his song is playing? Look, it's vague, but I need a little clarification here:
Turn your radio up, Turn your radio upAin't no other Shawty I've heard of baby,Put a million on that that that that,I took my world and gave you half of it baby,I pray I'll never get it back back back back
He wants this girl to put a million on that (that that that), which I'm imagining means that he would pay a million dollars for his woman, like he would bet the stars and sky and stuff, which is awfully sweet and generous, and probably accurate because he's a celebrity and has mad money to give away to woman. And you know, most seventeen year olds just give a million dollars to their girlfriends because nothing says "forever" like love at seventeen. But hey, he split his world and gave this serious girlfriend of his half of it.
Let's take a look at some lyrics in the song that made me scratch my head a bit, considering this talented SINGER (I'm not against him; the song is catchy) is only seventeen.
I remember us sitting up late in my one bedroom apartmentMemories runnin' thru my head head head headYou the only one I want if you were to leave meI don't know what I would do instead stead stead steadCus I love ya I love yaEven if I'm tempted I swearI'll never put none of them other above yaHoping I can get along with your big brothersCus I'm in it for the long hard like truckersParty in love, purple label kisses, just give me a minuteAnd I'll be making you my Mrs.
I mean, hey, he's remembering some apparently hot moments in his "one bedroom" apartment. Do you know of any seventeen year olds that have one bedroom apartments? I'm just putting it out there. I don't have one and I'm an adult woman. Now, let's talk about these memories. Like, thinking back on deep times from age fourteen? Look, I'm not sitting on my throne of musical poetry or anything; I, too, wrote some songs back when I was teenager about a vague mystery boy who I saw in the hall and always was with some vague "her" who was often blonde and tall or whatever, but what sort of memories is he talking about? I'm just throwing it out there, in case his parents are moderately concerned about kids having sex, ya know, without condoms.
I'm also slightly concerned for Mahone since he doesn't know what he'd do if this woman worthy of the very specific title of "U" leaves him. Don't you want to shake this kid and tell him he has his WHOLE LIFE ahead of him? Nope, this is serious; this girl is going to be his "Mrs." When I was seventeen, I was sure I was going to be Mrs. Colin Farrell, so, I guess we're even, Mahone. You got me there.
But more importantly, what is a "purple label kiss"? And to be "in it for the long hard like truckers?" I guess truckers are serious men. But hey, he means well; after all, he wants to get along with her brothers, so he's a good kid with good intentions.
But I'm slightly concerned for this girl, since it does sound like Mahone's attention shifts from his woman to his audience, and that may indicate that Mahone, as romantic as he may seem, may have some commitment issues, eh?
Turn your radio up, Turn your radio up,Turn your radio up, Turn your radio up,Let me see them hands up, Let me see them hands up,Let me see them hands up, Let me see them hands up
But he, of course, turns the attention back to his woman at the end of the song with some very romantic and specific lyrics, because nothing wins a woman's heart quite like hearing it's her, oh baby, her:
Cus I know that all my dreamsAre coming true yeahAnd I know-ow-ow-ow-ow-owI'll never feel the way I feel girl,You oh baby you yeah you,You oh baby you yeah you,You oh baby you yeah you,You oh baby you yeah youYeah you
Anyway, you can hear the quite catchy song over here:
Image: Getty Images